A Year Later and A Night Before

About a day ago, I had a conversation with someone I refer to as my “pretty much girlfriend”.  Yes, for those that have read my nonsensical ramblings about my bi-polar dating life; I have a girlfriend.  And I will be quite disappointed if I ever date anyone ever again.  It’s not because I’m in love with her dog, Max.  Even though, as I referred to her yesterday as my Renee Zellweger and Max is my lispy, little, blond haired boy. Which of course would make me her Tom Cruise…  Instead of Scientology, I’m her short suitor that goes to Tony Robbins seminars, and we’ll get to that in a second.

Anyway, she mentioned how she wished that she would know what her workout was going to be before she went to the gym-She goes to a gym that has these crossfit-esque classes.  Well, this lead me to comment:

“Sometimes it’s better not knowing. Anxiety is created by the known, fright comes from the unknown”.
Okay, I didn’t put it just like that.  Truthfully,  I probably dropped about four f-bombs and tried to grab her like she was an intern on the Today Show.

But you get the point.

May I add, she is genuinely intrigued by what I have to say.  And for a guy that is more accustomed to people telling him to shut the fuck up as opposed to asking what he thinks…It’s not only welcomed, but genuinely appreciated.

Here comes my point:

Last year, I was giddy as a little school girl about flying cross country to see Tony Robbins for the first time in San Jose, CA. However,  a day earlier, this happened:


Everywhere I went that day, the tension was palpable.  Granted, I was in cities like Albany, Chicago, and the aforementioned “Silicon Valley”.  If I had a layover, in lets say, Tuscaloosa, I would have sat next to this and she would have been fucking pumped about the next four years!


Fast forward to today, and here I am, after getting thoroughly searched due to a bag of white protein powder (not heroin), a bag of green powder (not marijuana) and a bag of neon yellow powder (As if I were smuggling Predator blood onto the flight)


Not to mention 6 packs of gum, 12 protein bars, and a variety of mixed nuts in six individual baggies.

For you see, I know what to expect when I go see this big toothed son of a bitch.


And I’m scared shitless.


Is it because I’m worried about the aforementioned girl that I’ve been waiting to finally meet finding someone else? No.  I’m convinced this is…well, something, unlike anything.

Is it because I’m wondering what is happening at my job in the final month of my first year as a General Sales Manager of four radio stations? No. Because I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Not to mention my auto-reply on my email told everyone one I would be without cell or email. Simply put, fuck off. I’ll be back when I’m back.

Is it because last year I went through only 4 days of this “Emotional BootCamp” and this is going to be pretty much the same thing only turned up to “11”?


You bet your sweet ass it is!

Guys and gals, let me explain something, this isn’t easy!  This isn’t “lets go sing happy fucking songs, hug, and sing kumbaya!”

This is, I expect, no, I demand more from me.  This is the dream that wakes me, the dream that becomes a nightmare because it was never realized.  And no,  I don’t mean waking up to take a piss with a hard-on!


By the way, the above is the most realistic moment in movie history.

Essentially, I don’t know what I have, or why I have it, but I fly too close to the sun with my expectations sometimes.  And when I do, my mind races as if I’ll never taste the air at the apex of my mental summit.

So here I am and here I sit after making a mad dash from my “pretty much girlfriends” house at 4am so I could get home and workout while probably waking up my downstairs neighbor.
So here I am and here I sit after narrowly avoiding pissing myself while trying to find a parking spot that was reminiscent of Walmart on the 15th of the month.


So here I am and here I sit after having my bags searched like I was smuggling narcotics and womens undergarments to Lithuania.

So here I am and here I sit waiting to find out how far I can go.

I am blessed beyond belief to have the means to do this.

I am blessed beyond belief to have the desire to do this.

I am blessed beyond belief to have the opportunity to do this.

I am blessed beyond belief to have the talent that I know needs to be harnessed by this.

However, those are my burdens.

I must do this because of said means.

I must do this because of said desire.

I must do this because of said opportunity.

I must do this because God has blessed me with these talents that must be harnessed.

So here I am and here I sit…waiting…

So here I am and here I sit…ready for whatever the next week has in store.




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