Why I Like Saying Goodbye…

My plan was to post a series of blogs chronicling my “pursuit of inevitable failure”, then, well…

Life is life…

Because life will eventually take one…

The world lost a friend today.

 

I’m not going to pretend and act as if we spoke regularly, often, or at all.  We really haven’t. The last time I saw her was by stopping into a store she was working at in my hometown of Rutland, VT.

She looked tired. I didn’t know her candle was running out of wick and wax.

The notion of hindsight only exists to torment us.

Years ago, at my wedding, which I will refer to again in this post, I mentioned to a friend,

“I’m the last one.  It’s all re-marriages and funerals from here.”

Unfortunately, I was spot on.

Unfortunately, this one stings.

Days ago, I quit my career of 10 plus years and I said good bye in an email to the staff.

One friend/co-worker responded by saying like many do,

“I don’t say good-bye”.  And then replaced the term with something not so finite.

“I do.” I quickly responded.

“There are too many times, I never got the chance.”

Anyway, this is a letter to my friend.

Oh you,

I’m sorry, but I have to tell this story about you.  A story about your heart, that sapphire filled with pure love housed by the exceptional beauty that was you. 

It was my wedding day, oh you know where I’m going with this don’t you?  Well, we’ll see. 

You were pissed.  Remember? 

You were beating yourself up because you forgot your camera!  I mean honestly, Michele, how the hell were you supposed to guess that you were about to step foot on grounds so beautiful they were straight out of a goddamn daytime soap opera? Not only the fact you were surrounded by flowers of all colors, varieties, and flavors.  Not only the fact you were embraced by sculptures worthy of Athens.  But the fact it was my short, dumb, hairy ass that requested your presence at this “Enchanted Garden”!  Where the fuck did I of all people find this sublime plot for one to say “I Do”?

I remember smiling at you, and you, you looked beautiful.  You smiled back with that oh so mischievously radiant of a toothy grin, and bitched about not having your fucking camera.

Suddenly, like a falcon spying a field mouse, you noticed something and took off. 

I had no goddamn clue what you were doing. 

Oh, Michele…

What you saw…

You saw a beer can. And at that moment, you made it your mission to find anything that would dare trash my wedding day. You went out, found it, and put it out of its misery without asking if they had any last words or wanted a cigarette.

You assured me there was going to be no trash that day.

Kinda, wish you took out the trash in the white dress…(Hindsight is such a bitch…not as much of a bitch as the one in the white…I kid)

Ironically it was trash.   

Ironically, I being the one who was trash on your wedding day many years, and many incarnations of Keith prior…

You were so exquisite on your day.

You clean up so nice, so nice…

This story of you proves my theory you were a better person than I, the masses, and the few. 

Goddamn it Michele! What the fuck!  The world CANNOT afford to lose good people right now, and you are one of the exceptional ones. 

FUCK!

We drifted apart for years, growing up/old sucks.  It secretly does that to us.  With every year, comes a larger gap between two people that once shared the same toilet.   

But, every time we crossed paths, it was as if Melrose Place never ended. 

All I can think of from those days is how much you fucking loved Rosanne, and when that GOD AWFUL show came back- and I’m sorry Michele, I still think it’s white trash awful- I thought of you, and how happy you must have been with its return to poison what I thought was your amazing taste. 

How excited were we when “Hello Nasty” came out? I’m actually listening to them right now as I write. It’s only fitting. 

The last time I saw you, we hugged, and you hugged me with the grip of either a mason or a person simply filled with so much love.

So much love.

I’m so lucky you hugged like such a fucking champ. 

I won’t forget the last moment I saw you because of. 

I don’t know what pain you were numbing my friend, but I hope you went peacefully, to rest peacefully in perpetuity; to rest peacefully surrounded by those who you missed so very much; to rest peacefully. 

Because you earned peace.    

Heaven just got a fuck load more tattoos and attitude today.  With a great ass.

Heaven just got a fuck load more beautiful today…

I love you, I will miss you, my life is better for having you in it,  and thank you, thank you,  for letting me be your friend…

-k

P.S. I never told you this, but when I first saw you, you were wearing this really thick wool sweater that I’m pretty sure I owned its akin to. Nonetheless, I didn’t know you, and you were walking up North Main St.  I almost re-ended the car in front of me checking you out. It was odd when we met and I knew that.  

I thought you were so hot…so hot… 😊

 

 

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