Category Archives: Team Beachbody

Make Your Move and Shake Your Ass, My Four Days with Tony: Day 3, SET A NEW STANDARD!

Authors Note:  Even though I have shared many personal moments throughout these blogs, this post in particular, will have some moments of ambiguity.  There are moments from this day that belong to me and only me.  If you were there, you will completely understand.  If you weren’t, hopefully someday you will and it will be because of what you’re about to readThank you and enjoy. 

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

-Mark Twain

Think back to days that forever changed your life.  When you awoke, did you know it would be that day?  Despite being forewarned multiple times the day before by Angel, my life was about to change and how did it kick off?

Goddamn protein bars and almonds!

Saturday morning I awoke after getting a whole 5 hours of sleep.  Other than Angel also informing me about this being THE day of transformation, it was also the longest day, slated to go from 8:30am until 1am.  Do the math.  Still, I must get my workout in.  While in the hotel gym, I noticed a couple other guys that were also wearing their UPW bracelets. (When you registered, you were given a bracelet and lanyard that showed your seating area by color) Our conversation was short, but I made sure to mention how I was informed this was going to be a long one.  So fuel up!

I’m geared up and ready to go, you know, that extra hour of sleep really kicked things up a notch!  Truthfully, I was stoked about Tony being back today.  Like I mentioned earlier, Joseph is spectacular!  But I’m sure even he would admit, the energy when Tony is there, it’s like an amp that goes to 11.


However, if I was jazzed for the fact Tony was going to be there, surely some of the other 10,500 felt the same way.  So, I had to get my little ass moving!

Breakfast at the Cafe in the hotel right? WRONG.  Doesn’t open until 7.  And I needed to be on the road.  Whole Foods right? WRONG, they don’t open until 8!  SON OF A BITCH!

Well, goddamn it.

Fast Forward to today.  It’s been over a week and I can’t even look at a bag of salt and vinegar almonds.  Anyway, off to:


At this point, my comfort level with interacting with complete and total strangers is greater than talking to my family.  How so?  You start to think about how the outside world, your friends, your family, your co-workers, your clients, and how they going to judge you when you get back.

“How was your thing?”

“Did you drink the Kool-Aid?”

“Did you burn your feet?”

“You ‘re not going to be all positive and shit now, right?”

“You DO know Tony Robbins is a fraud?”

My mind was already worrying about something that may or may not happen?  Please refer back to the quote at the beginning of this post.  For some reason though, I had this feeling I was going to be treated like I just became a Scientologist!

Then my phone rang, it was my father.

My father and I have always had a very, tumultuous relationship.  I was predominantly raised by my maternal grandparents and was always a “momma’s boy”. My mom’s family has always been the ones I’ve loved the most and felt like I disappointed the greatest.  When I lost my grandparents within a year of each other, that is when my life sputtered out of control.  Throw in one of my best friends suicide, and well, you can see why I believed (past tense) back in my 20’s that I was justified in having a drug and alcohol dependency.

Back to my father, we actually enjoyed our conversation.  It was lighthearted and even though I sounded like a transvestite phone sex operator, he was so intrigued by what I was doing.  That was the moment I knew the day was going to be different.

I even told him I loved him.

When you get inside, they still don’t let you go to your section of choosing until a certain time. Meanwhile, people line up to ensure they get the seat they want.  While standing there, a very cute, young, Asian woman started chatting with me.  After a bit, we shared a little, not much, a little information about ourselves to each other.  For example:

Me: “I’m 38, you?”

Her: “I’m in my 30’s”

Oh was this little shit going to sit next to me. If not for the simple reason of seeing how much I could get out of her.  She felt like a challenge. S0, I asked if she would sit next to me and she obliged.  Off we went to spend the next, potentially 15 hours with each other.

Another aspect I’ve failed to mention up until now is the dancers.  Yes, the Fire Dancers.  At least that’s what I think they were called.  Their job is to come out and get you pumped up.  Remember the music that I described how God awful some of it was?  It’s Jock Jams.  Plain and simple, it’s Jock Jams and you fucking love it.  You’re doing the claps they are doing, the waves they are doing, the dance moves, and everything. 1996-2015 Keith wouldn’t speak to this guy.  Now I’m Superfly dancing to Britney and Pitbull.  I’m even shaking my ass like I’m the Hotstepper!


The young lady that I just met started to open up.  Many of you reading this don’t know me, I’m quite loquacious. Simply put, I talk A LOT and don’t shut the fuck up.  But now I’m listening.  I’m asking her more and more about her life and finding out she was a first generation Chinese American in her family. The more and more I found out, the more and more I realized how amazing some people are and how spectacular their journeys to this destination was.  For you see, it wasn’t just about seeing Tony Robbins, it was seeing how the people you were surrounded by had more in common with you emotionally than you thought.  We all get so consumed and/or overwhelmed by our emotions on a day to day basis thinking that no one understands us.  Just to find out, we’re not alone. We’re far from alone.

Joseph came out first. Initially, it was kind of a letdown, especially when you thought it was going to be Tony all day and night.  Whatever. A let down to this crowd would be the apex compared to A LOT of crowds that I’ve witnessed.   Nonetheless, the education began.  We learned that if you are going to have an Extraordinary Life, you must see what the 7 areas were and how you value each.  This is good for you that weren’t there, because take a moment to look and think about these:

In no particular order: 1)Physical Body. 2)Emotions and Meaning 3)Relationships 4)Time 5)Work/Career/Mission 6) Finances and 7) Celebrate/contribution, Spiritual Sense.

I know where I’m strong but where I want to be stronger.  Which means I fully understand my weaknesses.  The reason you do this, look at where you’re strong and  juxtapose what you do on a daily basis to make them so. Compare that to what you’re weak at. Be honest with yourself, it’s only you, to you, about you, you’re talking to.  I had to turn to my newfound, first generation, fine, female friend.

I joked earlier about how I would share lessons I learned and all you had to do was read this blog to discover them.  I had to turn to the person to my right, left, behind and in front,  a complete stranger, and tell them some things only my fucking therapist knows.  When you have a therapist, you are essentially their mafia boss and you’re paying them off to keep their lips zipped! But now, I’m turning to my right or left and saying my biggest fear, the one thing that frightens me to the point of nightmares and constant self-depreciation, is this and this is why.  You had to get over that shit quick.  Like Day 1, Hour 1.  However, the rabbit hole was going deeper.  Because…



Don’t ask me why, it just was, and it was fucking awesome!  I could show you a crystal clear video with flawless audio and it would still not even touch what it felt like in that place, at that moment in time.  And by the way, I believe I’ve gained some sort of credibility earlier about being at monumental events.


I have to add this in first.  Next to the adorable young woman to my left, (I had an aisle seat, remember this) there was a really big, like, looked like NYC mechanic named whose name could have been Lou and his Italian nephew who looked like a Michael.  Remember, “Hug 9 people”?  Well, there was something else you had to do. “Get in groups of 4 and massage the person in the middle”.  That didn’t happen initially.  “Lou” kept conveniently disappearing at those moments.  And at this point, I was okay with it. We will get back to this shortly. Oh and if you don’t like being touched. These events are NOT for you.  Or they could be a way for you to get over that shit!

He opened up with a lot of science about human chemistry and physiology. A theme throughout the weekend.   Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t rocket science, but it was very educating.  I’ve been reading his book, listening to his audio cd’s, and watched the documentary; I understood his language.  A good sum of it was redundant to me.

Then the children were taken out of the room.

For those that have never seen the documentary or much of anything about Tony Robbins, he curses like a drunk trucker at Mardi Gras.  I obviously was very fucking offended. He does acknowledge the children, though.  Saying they are going to hear things, but it is meant to shock.   Freud did it, so, you know.

“Don’t worry the kids are going into another room, we’ve got some great stuff for them to do.  We don’t want them seeing this because this may be very traumatic to them.”

What…the…fuck?  Was I scared when I heard this? You bet you’re fucking sweet ass I was.  And you would be too!  Keep in mind I already walked on fire and may be giving Lou a massage.  So, you know, everything is kinda on the table in this place.

But that is why I walked on fire.


We all know about Scrooge right?  Whether you’ve read the immortal classic “A Christmas Carol” or saw Bill Murray in “Scrooged”, you know the concept, right?  Past, Present, Future equals changed life. It was at the moment Scrooge sees his future, after examining his childhood and current state, that he ultimately realizes that  his life has to change.   Well, the next hour was spent writing down our 3 most limiting beliefs. The ones that hold us back, scare us.  And guys and gals, I’m not talking about being scared of fucking heights.  These are beliefs.

“I believe if I do this, that will happen”

And some of those are pretty damn debilitating, now aren’t they?  And I’m turning to my left to tell them to someone I met 3 hours ago.

After we wrote three and why, we wrote their complete antithesis.  Our most 3 empowering beliefs and why.

“If only I could do this, this would happen.”

Now that we got those on paper.  We were told that what we are about to do is associate so much pain to those three limiting beliefs, that we will never allow ourselves to feel the same way about them again.

Allow me to say this with the highest regard for our Military and those that Serve.  I am NOT comparing what we did with what they go through.  But the premise can be similar.
We were broken down and then built back up.  Reprogrammed.  And Tony Robbins is my leader.  I’m fucking with you. Just pay attention:

The room went dark and we were told to close our eyes.

“People are going to go through some very strong, intense emotions, don’t comfort them.  Let them suffer.”

Imagine the life that you have where you will never change, a life where you will always be limited by these beliefs, a life that is lived in fear.

Now imagine 5 years from now, feeling that exact same way. But worse.

A boy, I say boy because he just sounded so young to me.  This boy let out a horrific scream like he was being mutilated.  It scared the shit out of me.  Then I thought,

“Why aren’t I having that type of moment?”


“Imagine it’s 10 years.  Now, people are leaving you because of how you are. You’re all alone”

My knee fucking buckled. I dont know why, but it buckled.  I had to reach back for the arm of my seat. Oh God I couldn’t open my eyes because now…The sobs, the screams…it’s all you could hear and then someone screamed:


At 17 years old, I attempted suicide with my baby brother downstairs.  At 23 I was fully addicted to alcohol, I buried the two people that raised me and my penance for not telling them how much I loved them was feeling like I disappointed them for perpetuity. At 26 we buried my friend that shot himself in the head. The day before, he called and I didn’t answer because I was too hungover.

What I went through for 12 minutes on November 12th, 2016, was the worst moment of my life.  It felt like hell. It was hell…I couldn’t stand straight up. I tried, God knows I tried.  All you heard were people crying uncontrollably.

“Let out a sound that describes what that feels like”

I didn’t know our soul could scream.

“Imagine it’s  20 years”

If he were in front of me…I would have fallen to my knees and begged him to stop.

This is what pathetic feels like.

“Let out a sound that describes what THAT feels like”

I didn’t know the terrified child could scream.














This is was unstoppable feels like!

And like that, it turned into the most epic moment of my life.  That’s all you get.  My words will never accurately describe what happened after.  I will continue on with certain aspects, but you must feel it for yourself.  Do it for yourself.  Give yourself that gift.  For some, it will be the very first time you ever truly loved yourself.

And what a glorious feeling that is.

All I’m going to say what happened to me physically is this.  I had an aisle seat and had to reach back to make sure I didn’t fall down the stairs because of…I felt sick.  Violently sick. But this is aimed at those that were there, does anyone wish they had someone handing out a few tissues?  The amount of snot coming out of my nose.

And then we had to stick our fucking fingers up the damn thing. Do you honestly think something didn’t stick to it when I pulled it out?  All the while talking to the person to my left?

That was part of breaking the pattern.  We touched base with our inner child, and proved how foolish these beliefs were.  This was proceeded by replacing a lot of our past with our undetermined future.  Oh and what a future I now have waiting for me.

This was the last day with Tony and it was everything you could have prayed, hoped and dreamed of. He was humorous, educating, informative, passionate, honest, and loving.  If some how, some way he sees this.  Thank you.  It was an awful nice thing you did for us…me.

And we fucking rocked that place until 12am!!!

The next hour was for those that wished to sign up for the Mastery Program.  He came back on after 1am but I left at about 12:45.  I had just “exorcised the demons”, I was spent.

Life officially hit the reset button.

Christ, even Lou gave me a massage!

Nothing could touch me, right?


Fucking Uber…


For anyone looking for information about the event or anything to do with Tony Robbins, please call:  Angel McDonnell at 858-535-6287. Or email her at

Please be sure to  tell her that I sent you.

Thank you and be sure to subscribe to find out when my next blog is posted




Make Your Move and Shake That Ass. My Four Days With Tony: Day One, Firewalkers


November 8th, the people that were angry and afraid took to the polls.

November 9th, the people that were angry and afraid took to social media.

November 10th, my anger, and my fear put me on a plane to San Jose.

Of course only after getting to bed the night before at 3:30Am. I’ll let you figure out why.   (Hint, the answer is in the next picture.)

It kicked off at 3:00 AM starting a 26 hour day that included a cross-country flight, a diet of protein bars, salt and vinegar almonds and Dentyne gum.  The mint melon is delicious. I actually woke up at 3:19, I can’t figure out my alarm.

Whether I was in Albany, Chicago, or ultimately San Jose, the air was filled with uncertainty.  If you’re wondering why, because this happened.


It was going to be a long day.  The event kicked off at 12pm PST and was scheduled to go until 1AM  with the infamous “Firewalk” being the closer.  I anticipated getting to bed by 2:30am PST, which would have made it 5:30 EST.  Making this a glorious 26 hour and 11 minute day.  Goddamn alarm.  My Carhartt backpack, so graciously given to me by the proprietor of the Safety Wearhouse in South Glens Falls.  The Safety Wearhouse, Fashion with Function; was filled with my supplies for the weekend:Team Beachbody Engergize supplement, my Green Drink for Alkalinity, protein bars and Salt and Vinegar almonds for the event. Plus a lot of gum. A LOT of gum.  During my 4 plus hour flight from Chicago to San Jose, I decided to knock back a serving of Energize. Energize by the way is like Predator blood bright in color.



Imagine me trying to scoop out of a plastic bag this bright neon powder while wearing a black fleece sitting in the far from roomy Southwest 737 airline seat.  People were looking at me like I had anthrax.  If they weren’t they should have been.  The girl next to me knew right away what it was.  Next thing you know I’m sharing the rest of my flight next to an amazing Team Beachbody Coach, Super Nurse, and superb mother of two from Ohio. (Nurse at Ohio State University).  And guess where she was going?  That’s right, Chico!

(Inside joke.  When I was 18, Hippie Keith took a bus from Vermont to Chico because someone said it was awesome there. So there I was, 18, covered in hair and hemp with nothing but a bag of clothes, my djembe drum, and $1700 strapped to my belly.  And when I got there, I spent 3 months wondering why the hell was I in Chico, California before I eventually flew back)

For the next 3 hours, we shared personal story after personal story.  At one moment we even laughed acknowledging that we were sort of “pre-gaming” the event.  Both of us were childlike in our eagerness to see what awaited.

After wishing each other nothing but exactly what they needed, we set off in separate directions to the same destination.

This is part of the story where I could EASILY rip into the Courtyard Marriot for not providing me my shuttle I ordered the day before.  Or the fact that Uber is the definition of hit or miss.  Fortunately,  I met some great people through Uber and the Courtyard Marriot paid for a taxi. Life could have been worse.  For you see, anger was not allowed as an emotion to dominate this voyage.  As we all can attest, isn’t always the case when one is traveling. But this had to be different.  It needed to be different.

Prior to making the decision to go, I checked on hotel rooms to see if I could get a place to stay the night before.  This would have eliminated not only the aforementioned 26 hour day, but I could have also registered.  Not happening, my hotel was booked solid.  This kind of became a hemorrhoid.  Not literally.   The line to get into the building  was about 2 football fields long. Not all that bad, right?  Well, guess what was waiting for me once I finally entered my new home for the next 4 days?   Another line that went around, down, back up, and around the other half of the SAP Center.   If you want a complete architectural description , I’m clearly your guy.   Nonetheless, you just kept meeting fascinating people! Without any idea that this was just a sign of things to come.  And for those that truly know me, how long do you think it took before I not only introduced myself, but bragged about being on a cross-country flight since 5am EST?  If you said anything more than 30 seconds, we’re obviously not close.

Once registered I turned out to be the last person in the entire registration line to receive the Tony Robbins best-seller: “MONEY” Master the Game.  No joke, there had to be at least a couple hundred behind me.  Everything was now coming up Keithy!

I’m not an idiot, you more than likely started reading this just to find out what the hell a Tony Robbins “seminar” is like.  So finally, here you go.  You’re welcome.

What is a Tony Robbins event like?

A lecture mixed with a rave mixed with a Phish show mixed with a rock concert mixed with a Gospel Reading (not literally) mixed with a stand-up comedy routine mixed with sporting event mixed with a TED Talk mixed with group meditation mixed with AA meeting mixed with..  And  I ran out of adjectives.  This is not hyperbole.

The presence, the energy, the crowds reaction to Tony Robbins is unparalleled.  He has this charm to him that completely makes you want to listen to every syllable that comes out of his mouth.  He’s knowledgable, comedic, and more than anything, authentic.  It’s impossible to not love him.

The room had to be sub 55 degrees.  And I get that an NHL hockey team plays there (San Jose Sharks) but that’s not the reason.  High energy is crucial.  How do you keep high energy? Keep the room frigidly cold,  feed them info for 45 minutes and then feed them fun for 15.  Sometimes the fun outlasted the info.  Afterwards you have to give a complete stranger a hug, then another, then another, then another, and then another.  At one point it was 9 hugs and then you could sit down.  It didn’t hurt that I had a blue eyed Kim Kardashian to my right.  And I’m pretty sure the son of Jon Hein to my left.  Guess which one I had to hug first.


He was a sweet kid, that was dealing with a massive trauma in his life.  I will consistently make jokes about those I was with or near, but they were some amazing people just looking for change.  Looking for hope.  Looking to be loved by themselves.

This was unlike ANYTHING I have ever experienced and I’ve: eaten acid at Phish,  seen the NY Giants win a playoff football game on a Super Bowl run, eaten mushrooms at Phish, been to  Cirque Du Soleil in Las Vegas, lost my hearing at a Justin Timberlake, saw a kid get rifled in a mosh pit at Disturbed and Korn, seen the Mets Vs. Yankees with Matt Harvey on the mound,  I’ve even seen Michael Jordan play.  For Christ’s sake, I’ve even been to Wrestlemania where Salt N Pepa played “Whatta Man” and Lawrence Taylor was the Main Event vs. Bam Bam Bigelow.


I watched as people were asked in the audience in what is called an “intervention”, what holds them back in life?  Two people stood out. A man that was hunched over thinking he would never be enough.  By the end of it, he was walking like his cock was a foot long.  Another was a woman that lost her child during labor.  This was tough.  By the end of it, she realized there ARE options.  Tony has multiple children from his previous marriage that were not his biological children.  He made the point of saying, “Do you think I don’t love them like they ARE my own?  I adore them!”  Not only did this resonate, but what really got the both of them and us, was when Tony asked the audience if anyone has felt or gone through what not only she, but the previous man had gone through?  A massive amount of people raised their hands.  It really started to sink in, we’re not alone here.  We’re among friends.

Unleash the Power Within  was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.  The greatest thing I’ve ever been a part of. The greatest decision of my life.  And it wasn’t even 3 hours old!

Opening night consisted of telling secrets to complete strangers, yelling so much I lost my voice, jumping up and down for 10 minutes…5 minutes…2 minutes…30 seconds…10 seconds  straight  for 10 hours.  Clapping until my hands hurt, hugging, high fiving, crying and laughing hysterically.  Even  Pitbull showed up and played.  I wasn’t necessarily a fan of “Mr. Worldwide.” But, fast forward to today and I’ve downloaded this song and  can’t help by smile and move when I hear it:


All of this was leading up to the 1000lb elephant in the room, we were going to walk on fire!

To say the crowd of 10,500 thinned out as we were leading up to it would be like saying that Donald Trump winning the election was a pleasant surprise.  The majority remained, though.  After being prepped, meditating, tricks to change our mental state, and taught how to walk across the coals (power walk).  We took off our shoes and socks and walked to the parking lot at 1am clapping our hands and chanting, “Yes, Yes, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!!”  Say that aloud and anyone within ear shot is thinking you’re…you know…

Once this mass of positive energy made it’s way to the SAP parking lot, we were greeted by loud African drum beats  (Hippie Keith was elated) and 35 rows of hot coals.


That is what ingrained into our heads prior to the walk.  Also mentioned were those that got burned while trying to take selfies in Texas.  Oh, plus the fact that the reason why we had to wipe our feet before they washed them off was because we could get hot coal in our toes.  You could literally hear air being sucked out of the arena when he mentioned that little nugget.  Which was of course followed by, “Oh you guys didn’t think of that huh?”  We were told absolutely not to run.  Why? Imagine tripping.  That’s how you get a souvenir.  About those who got hurt in Texas, the way they set it up, you have to be a special type of stupid to get severely burned.  Truthfully, I wasn’t scared, not even nervous, just excited about experiencing something truly unique.  Even though I’m pretty sure on more than one occasion while black out drunk I walked across a campfire.  Yeah, I’m almost positive.  Yeah, I’m positive.  So this wasn’t shit.  Put it up 150 feet in the air, now I’m a little nervous.  Keeping my short ass on the ground, no worries whatsoever.

Here is what the firewalk consisted of.

You are a mass of people trying to figure out where to go by following the crowd and smoke.  Once there, you start hearing people cheering like they just scored the game-winning touchdown.  The crowd gets thinner, and thinner, and thinner as they are breaking off into lines.  All the while people are clapping chanting “Yes, Yes, YES!” African drums are just blaring.  Felt very tribal!  I’m basing this off of all my experiences with tribes.  I have however been to a “Bread And Puppet” where a drum circle lasted until 6am.  On acid. Anywho,  when there you are instantly 3rd in line.


I don’t know why we chant cold moss.  And we were told to look up because if you look down, you may realize that you’re walking on hot fucking coals.

You step up and you’re now second in line. You notice you just stepped into a puddle of water.  It’s dark and everyone seems to be wearing black, so you’re hoping someone didn’t piss and this is what you’re currently standing in so you’re hoping it’s water.  Before that pleasant thought sinks in, you see the person in front of you finish and at that moment a woman calls you up and you are now on grass.  She yells with a huge smile on her face,

“You got this, you ready? DO YOUR MOVE!”

You make this chest thump like “FUCK YES LET’S DO THIS!  ROAR!” (I didn’t say roar, nor did I roar, I’m just giving you internal dialogue)

Say yes she yells: “YES!” I instantly respond.

Say yes she yells again: “YES!” I let out in a primal scream!

She yells, “LOOK UP!” You do!

“GO” and you go and people are just yelling at you:




I truthfully don’t even know if I said cold moss once. Because the next thing you know I’m on grass having my feet bathed in hose water and trying to remember what the fuck to do.  Oh yeah, my toes, wipe my feet.  Have I mentioned that this is now 25 hours since I woke up?  Oh and all that is in me are protein bars and salt and vinegar almonds. Yeah, I kinda had to take a shit. Which isn’t a big deal when you’re walking across hot fucking coals!

And the last thing you do? celebrate!

Holy shit! I did it, my God, I did it!  Not shit, the walking on coals part.

The whole experience of walking on coals was a complete metaphor.  If you can do this, you can do anything.  Which was glorious, because now I had to deal with Uber!

Day 2 was slated to begin at 9:30am and my head finally hit the pillow at about 2am.  I’m ahead of the game!  I just needed sleep.

For day two, we were going to be introduced to someone new and this is when I found out that this was nothing.

All we were doing was preparing for day 3!


For anyone looking for information about the event or anything to do with Tony Robbins, please call:  Angel McDonnell at 858-535-6287. Or email her at

Please be sure to  tell her that I sent you.

Thank you and be sure to subscribe to find out when my next blog is posted.  


Get it up and Keith it up: A Team Beachbody love story

So, how many of you that follow me on Facebook are sick of seeing: “Keith Hannigan Posted a “Map My Ride” workout?  He biked an absurd amount of miles.  He burned I don’t give a shit number of calories, and he spent the amount of time I enjoyed a full episode of House of Cards while he was sweating like A-Rod during a urine test. .

Yeah, me too.  What can I say though, I feel good, really, really good.  And yes, I do get either coupons or points from Map My Ride when I post my workouts.  Hence all the posts.  Plus I want you all to feel lazy.

I can’t wait til someone comes out with “Map My Ass”.  Keith watched two episodes of Shark Tank, he consumed 643 calories, and he didn’t move for 1 hour and 28 minutes watching it.  You know, because I got DVR.  WINNING!


The point of this, you’re welcome, is because I want to help.  I really want to help.  Too many people that I know, that I care about, struggle with their weight and what it does to them emotionally.  If you know me, you know, well, you know I have some expertise in this area.   If you don’t know me, I just posted a picture of Charlie Sheen, if you find me untrustworthy, well I can’t help you.

Being a fat kid is something I will always struggle with.  Plain and simple.  Anybody that was a fat kid, knows exactly what I’m talking about.  Those skinny little pricks that were both my friend and still the ones to call me fat…I know you’re fat now, trust me, I do.  It’s called Google.




About 5 years ago, I was engaged and trying to figure out how to work out again, this time, without a gym membership.  I have a love/hate relationship with the gym.  I love watching girls workout wearing yoga pants, but meanwhile I’m next to one of the cast from Jersey Shore wearing way too much Drakkar Noir and screams like Meg Ryan faking an orgasm in “When Harry Met Sally” every time he chest presses 20lbs.


But the gym wasn’t going to work for me because I was living in Selkirk, NY and if you don’t know where Selkirk is, don’t worry, neither do the residents of Selkirk.  One day on my hour and a half, one way commute, I was listening to ESPN Radio; which you couldn’t get me to do again these days even if you promised me a sex tape between Heidi Klum and Tiffani Amber-Thiessen.  You’re welcome for that image.  And no, there isn’t any picture of the two of them together. But here is a sweet one of Kelly Kapowski for you!

Kelly Kapowski

Anyway, while listening to either the  fat, dumb, jock and the whiny Jew or the Howard Cossel wannabe except, well,  without talent, they were doing what is referred to as “Live Reads” for P90x. Live Reads are those moments when the actual talent, whether they have it or not in this case, talk about a product.  Now, some of these are called testimonials.  A testimonial is when the talent not only reads about the product, but claims to have used the product.  Think Tim Philbin, if you have to, I love Tim, in the Rutland, VT. Market talking about Hartes Flooring (God bless, my friend) as a local example.   Or Howard Stern and the Squatty Potty nationally.  I have one and I swear by the damn thing!  Every one thinks it’s a stool.  Like I need a stool for anything! (I’m not tall).  But little do they know, it is for my stool…


Well, on ESPN there were talking about how great p90x was.  I had no damn clue as to what this P90x was.  It sounded like something the kids were taking at a Phish show.

“Did you hear that jam in Reba while low balling on the P 9 to the zero x file brotherman?”

“Nahman, I was rolling on bath salts eating this dready dude that asked me for a miracle.  So I totally chomped his ass!  Was it sick?”

“Totally brah, Trey was killing it”

It wasn’t that.  P90X is this 90 day extreme workout that you’ve all seen the infomercials for.  It sucks.  In a good way.  And I got hooked.  Then I did Insanity and wanted to cry.  I can’t tell you how many disgusting things I would allow to be done to me by this guy than do Insanity again.


But I got hook, line and sinkered into the Team Beachbody world.  And for the past 4 years I’ve been a Team Beachbody Coach.  No, I’m not going to post any shirtless selfies, but I can private message them to you, if you’d like. (WINK)  It will be so much more naughty that way. Anywho…

Being a Team Beachbody Coach for the past 4 years has been pretty sick.  I get a kick ass discount on Shakeology, supplements, and any program I purchase. You can even stream the workouts and if you do, you will have access to workouts that aren’t available on DVD.

Now for total transparency, yes, I do get paid if I sell a product to you, but this really isn’t about that.  Of course it’s a perk, but I have a good job, I don’t necessarily need the extra money, and I won’t be quitting my job anytime soon. Or will I?


Here is the thing though, there is this funny word called fulfillment.  And let me tell you about it.

Fulfillment comes from helping someone that needs your help.  And if you have the opportunity, the desire, and more than anything, the experience to help someone; why the fuck wouldn’t you do it?

So here I am.  Telling you that I’m currently 50 pounds lighter than my highest weight.  I’ve kept the mass majority off since and I have a consistent routine that obviously works. I’m not going to go into my full routine, but lets just say, you guys are pretty sick of seeing one aspect of it.  (For those that don’t know me, I post my aforementioned bike rides almost daily) But I do get one Team Beachbody workout in at least 6 days a week.  Currently it’s the Hammer and Chisel.  Google Autumn Calabrese.  Male, female, transgender, it doesn’t matter, you will Google all over yourself when you do. But the first part of my day is really simple and the first tip is free.  And when I say free, I don’t mean like I’m going  to NOT charge you for this.  I’m an idiot if I were to insinuate that.  I mean this doesn’t actually cost anything for you to do.  You ready?

Go for a walk first thing in the morning.  I know many of you have young little ones, and it’s quite difficult to find the time to do anything without them.  But, if you do and you’re married, then take turns watching them.  One morning you get the kids ready while she goes for a walk, and the next morning she watches them.   Maybe it’s something both of you can do as a couple or competitors.  If and when you get the chance to walk together, you can see who is doing the “Pissed off power walking lady face”,  with her arms at perfect 90-degree angle, squeezing her glutes with every step.  Or if one of you is just going down to the corner and back really friggin slow to pretend they walked.   Meanwhile, they are the ones that come back in a flop sweat.  Hmmm…

For me, I eat breakfast before.  Few eggs.  Yogurt. Fruit. Or this kick-ass protein infused, whole grain pancakes I saw on Shark Tank called Kodiak Cakes.They sell them at Hannaford.  Variety is the best thing for your body so it doesn’t plateau.  Plus, who the hell enjoys eating the same thing for breakfast everyday?  This is your life, not prison!    Also, before you go, drink a big tall glass of water.  Your body is dehydrated when you wake up, so refuel it!  The glass of water will also help get your insides going.  You may want to wait until your insides are gone before going on said walk though, if you know what I’m saying. And for those of you that struggle with that, a glass of water really helps.   But be sure to  drink one when you get back too.   You will pee all day long and will start to lose that excess water weight you have on you.  Now  don’t go  and be a douche and eff this whole thing up by the way by getting a Peppermint Mocha Latte from Starbucks.  Even though those things would be my beverage of choice if I was on Death Row.  But for those of you that think you’re caffeine habit is getting a little out of hand.  You know, if you’re the type that is ready to slaughter a small village when you first wake up until the moment you have that sip of Foldgers;   You’ll be astonished when you discover that one thing we can do, that doesn’t cost a dime, will wake you up and have you feeling better than any double espresso, cappuccino:  Breathing.  Yes breathing.  Funny things happen when you get oxygen to your brain.  It actually starts to work.

Breath work is a novel idea and will segue nicely into the last reason I’m “making you” read this.  (Even though we both know that you got hooked right away and are enjoying it)


Do any of you know what the hell that word even means?  Well, I’ll help you.


I know my fair share, and I was completely one of them, arrogant douches because I worked out.  Then, I not only discovered yoga, but I also discovered meditation.  Your image of me is changing right now, I know.  And it’s great!  Brother Dweeb or Hippie Keith is coming back, but this time, with abs!  Namaste bitches!

My interest in this aspect of our species is truly my favorite.  Emotions are crazy.  Absolutely crazy. Seriously, my mind won’t shut the fuck up for one second!  It’s exceptional but, come on.  It’s like having a neighbor with a garage band that is really good, but by the time it’s midnight and they are practicing “Whole Lotta Love” for the 9th time, it gets a little tiresome.

Breathing though cures almost everything emotionally.  It’s like that bottle disinfectant that kills 99.9% of germs.  You just want to know; What the hell is that .01% and why won’t it die?  Like a friend of mine said once, that .01% is what causes the Walking Dead.

But whether it be: Anger, stress, anxiety, frustration, resentment, hostility, and so on, just breathe.  It helps. Trust me!  But if you’re medicating because you are one of those that suffers deeply from depression, there are alternatives.  I really suggest this book:

And these tips have been brought to you by Coach Keithitup.

With all of that being said, here are the links to my Team Beachbody Website, My Shakeology Website, and my Ultimate Reset website*.  If you don’t have time to exercise, and want to lose 20lbs while devoloping the best eating habits of your life, trust me, I do the reset once a year to give my body a break from working out.

Feel free to contact me anyway you choose.  You can email me directly at (do I put an @ symbol there?  Is writing symbol after writing a symbol redundant?  It feels like it)

And thanks for playing…


*I noticed after I wrote this that they don’t have an Ultimate Reset website any longer for Coaches.  Essentially, it is a 21 day clean eating, and supplement based detox.  When I’m done with those 21 days, I’m leaner, I feel emotionally better, and I just feel well overall.  I highly recommend it!