Tag Archives: Tony Robbins

I’M A GODDAMN SUPERHERO! or just some douche trying to impress a cute girl: The story of a girl and her lost dog.

Quick story.  And when I say quick, you know for fact this is going to be anything but. It’s going to be long-winded, it’s going to be melodramatic, and it’s going to be 10 minutes longer than necessary.

No worries though,  because nothing has changed since you last checked your Instagram except:

Your “friend” is drinking a glass of beer.

Your “friend” is drinking a glass of wine.

I’m a recovering alcoholic and I hate these “friends”.

Your “friend” really hates Donald Trump so they share a meme calling him a misogynistic, xenophobic, putz.

Your “friend” really loves President Trump and they share a meme calling the other “friend” a “Whiny Liberal Pussy”.

And there are a bunch of pics of someones fucking kids, dogs, cats, and some quotes about being positive or some shit.

Needless to say, you’ve got a minute or two for a cool little tale.

Anyway, not so quick story from about 12 hours ago.

Many of you who I have the pleasure of being Facebook friends know  I’ve been running again…

You want to know why I post my runs on Facebook? Not for some shit like “if I share X amount of posts, I receive a  coupon”.  Even though I do get 40% off Under Armour every once in a while.

I do it because it pisses a friend of mine off.  I know for a fact there is one person who legitimately gets all hot and bothered every time he sees it.   He even confirmed it via a text one night.

And I so get off on that!

I may go for a run tonight just because…

I’m such a spiteful, cheeky cunt.

Anyway, it’s more of a “spirited jog” really. I sustained injuries to my Iliotibial Band and my Iliopsoas last year and I’m still “in recovery”.  Essentially, the side of my leg and a muscle whose origins are just alongside my belly button are absurdly tight.

And let me tell you this, the latter, well, yeah, there is no greater hell than having a massage, from an attractive woman, who is alleviating this massive pain, all while having to fart. And folks, where did I say this muscle originates? Oh and friends, for some reason on this day,  the air coming out of my ass was worthy of Auschwitz.  Yeah, I said it. And I’m also owning the fact it was that goddamn bad.

Anyway, I can only jog. While jogging through the village of South Glens Falls, NY last night, I see a young lady and her dog. Instant thought, look graceful. Instant reality, I’m as graceful as, well…

 

Let me say this about the “flightless bird”, sometimes your hands go a little numb and you need to get blood pumping into them again.

Needless to say, here comes the 5’6 flightless fucking bird.  She heels the dog, which he (it’s a he) does perfectly. The young lady looks up and smiles proudly, as she should.  Cute dog, cute girl, I’m a fan of both, I reciprocate the smile. And I nailed it.

You know when you just crush a smile? Well, I sure as shit just did and you know what?

Anyway, fast forward 2.11 miles and 19 minutes and 47 seconds later. (I’m so goddamn slow and it…whatever) But I have permagrin like  Hippie Keith one hour into a Phish show and a piece of paper on his tongue.  My grin is not satisfaction due to my “end of the day jaunt”.  My grin is because I’m about to post something that will cause someone to curse my name.

Oh it’s such a glorious feeling, I highly recommend it.

Then, I see a car pull up along side of me. It’s a lady with her arm out waving me down.  I say a quick “Our Father” it’s not any of the 13 girls I’ve blogged about and lean in to see since my eyesight has gone to shit.

It’s her. The girl from before.

And yes, I’m like:

 

Then it dawned on me…Oh no!

I literally said “Oh no!”

Because the “Cute girl with the cute dog”, is now just the “Cute girl”.

“Hey, remember me?” she shyly inquired.

“Remember, I’ve been thinking about you for a solid 2.11 miles”…Ya, I didn’t say that. Why?

“Where is he?”  I quickly retorted.

“I don’t know!” She replied with horror behind her eyes and terror trembling in her voice.

Now, this is all happening right after running…okay, jogging, the excitement of infuriating a friend, and spiking a smile like it just won a Super Bowl. Now,a cute girl and her cute dog are in need.  I say that to say this:

Did I respond this way because she was cute?

You bet that sweet ass of yours I did!

RAPID FIRE:

“What’s his or her name?”

“It’s Ozzy.”

“Great name.”

“Thanks.”

“We got this, meet me down the hill at the path.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to do this.”  She’s scared and I’m a sweaty guy in a bright blue North Face fleece. I’d say no to me too.

So, what did I do? Only delivered the single greatest line of my life!

“Yes, I do.”

If Nicholas Sparks is reading this, his skinny jeans just got tighter.

Yeah, I gave her hope. And that was a pretty badass moment. Which I discovered was about to be trumped (ugh) in about 43 seconds.

She went to turn her car around and I started to jog down the hill.  Remember how I just said 43 seconds? (Of course you do, it’s literally words ago.) Well, it was more like 17. Odd numbers are just funnier. Don’t know why.

I heard a ruffling in the woods to my left.  Said a quick “Glory Be” that it wasn’t a rabid cat, looked over, and there he was.

“Ozzy”, I somehow exhaled out of my “holy shit moment lungs”.

He comes right over. No shit, walks out of the woods right up to me. Stops, I give a quick “hey fella”. Pick up the leash, look up, see her in the car, yell, “hey!” and hold the leash above my head like I found fire.

Now, I couldn’t see shit, but you bet your sweet ass I could see her smile from a solid 25 yards away.

And, well, I can just describe the next moment as…well…

 

 

 

Nicholas Sparks just grabbed some tissues and lotion.

Seriously, I felt this urge to go chop wood and grow a mustache.

Now, in hindsight, I totally botched my opportunity to walk up and say.

“I believe this is your dog miss.”

Instead, it was more like,

“Holy shit! That was so cool!”.

And then my glasses-less face came to discover that this perfect, serendipitous moment just happened with a girl…

Goddamn it…a girl that IF she was 18, it was because her birthday was yesterday.

The most superhero moment fucking ever, and well, of course, right?

She was overjoyed, relieved, and on the cusp of tears.

I shook her hand introducing myself, because well, it’s nice to know peoples names, and headed home.

When I got home, I pondered for a brief second what just happened.

Now, I don’t know if you can tell, but I believe in God.  At that moment, I reflected what just transpired, looked up, smiled and said,

“Thanks, man.  That was pretty goddamn cool”.

Then you realize you just had a front row seat to:

Seeing someone proud.

Seeing someone frightened to death.

Seeing someone inspired with hope.

Seeing someone euphoric.

Meanwhile, she brought this douche who gets off on letting his friends know he’s running… jogging…

She brought him grace.

And ya, I’m thinking it too…

I wonder if she has any older, psycho sisters?

Spac Profile Pic

-k

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How I Got and Stayed Sober in 5 Steps: My Journey, 13 Years later…

Authors Note: Some of what you’re about to read may disturb and/or bother you. But, here is my attitude about that, first, how intriguing of a beginning huh? I got your attention, now I better not fuck it up. Back to my attitude, if things in life don’t bother those that are the subject, than I really don’t find it necessary to allow myself to be bothered by it. Unless the subject isn’t strong enough to have a choice, then, you have the strength of two and fight for them. This isn’t one of those cases.

For those who have read many of my tales, you know they usually consist of online dating fails or experiences at self-help seminars. But guess what? I’m actually a paid blogger now! No shit, big shout out to Chris at Six Marketing for taking a chance on a guy known for self-deprecating vulgar posts where I take aim at defenseless, psychotic women.

Authors Note: Holy shit do I have a story for you! I’ve written 3/4 of it, but I can’t release it quite yet. It’s called “The Rosary”. TEASE!

Nonetheless, I’m a paid blogger. And yes, I have a crush on a girl that is way too young for me. Why? Because I’m a non-committal douchebag (more on that in a moment) who loves pretty girls. Anyway, yeah, I wrote it. Let the line for possible sexual harassment suit start right…here. Kidding, I don’t have the balls to sexually harass someone. Matter of fact, I’m typically the one being harassed. What can I say, my ass of a pregnant black chick looks nice in a pair of designer jeans.

So, I’m told.
Anniversary Alert

Yesterday, I was about to hop on the Facebook to stalk all you like usual, but my computer loves to post images on my log in screen. Typically they consist of beautiful, exotic locations I could never afford to voyage off to. Even though these shit brown, near and now far sighted eyes of mine have been blessed with the marvels of God’s canvas.

Other times, I have images of spectacular animals from said regions and beyond. Well, I was graced with a picture of a snow owl that looked as if it was dying of laughter.

laughing snow owl

This isn’t the exact one, but it’s equally as magnificent.

Anyway, I instantly googled images of laughing white owls. They are actually snow owls, but I guess I have some deep seeded racism within me. And to think, the race of my sexual conquests are as diverse as the Captain Planet Planeteers!

Never had a ginger though…I don’t think…Maybe…I had spots on my penis once afterward, so I may have…

Anyway, while googling said images of said owls, I came across one that looked drunk

drunk keith owl

And another that looked stoned

hippie keith owl

And then I recalled something… It’s been 13 years since I stopped getting piss the bed drunk and almost having a heart attack on cocaine.

And then I thought to myself, “self, why don’t we tell people how we got there?” God forbid I write about something other than my self absorbed ramblings about the opposite sex and Tony Robbins.

I mean, I’ve almost overdosed twice. Once, was half-hearted intentional when I was 17. I say half hearted because right in the middle of it all, I grabbed a handful of my late, the man I aspire to be, grandfathers xanax. And when I say half-hearted, I mean this: In my drunken, drugged haze, I went downstairs to grab more xanax, I did. Then, well then, I put some back. You tell me if I wanted to die that night?

As opposed to the completely unintentional time I was “coked outta my skull” on my lifelong friends couch, her mothers couch to be precise, and my heart was beating so hard it caused my sternum to visibly bounce. And it just…wouldn’t…stop…I prepared myself mentally to die that night… Not a good time, not at all.

Funny how as I write this, and anyone suffering from any form of addiction will empathize, I realize:

While under the influence, your mind wants more than your heart can handle.

Yet while sober, your heart wants more than your mind can handle.

Folks, I know myself. I know myself quite well. Whether it’s telling you about why I’m god fucking awful at dating and/or relationships. Whether it’s telling you about my journey externally and more so internally on a voyage into and through “Emotional College”.

And, whether it was being treated at facility at the age of 17 for my aforementioned suicide attempt, whether it was for the weeks that followed surrounded by court mandated alcoholics and drug addicts who were twice if not three times my age, or whether it was from all the projectiles being flung at me from all angles of life…Many of which, self-induced…

It’s time to share a story about how I got to 13 years without a sip or a snort.
Step 1: Acceptance

Ya, there was none of that.

Don’t get me wrong, I knew good and goddamn well that I was sucking at life. But, when you’re in the deep end of the Olympic sized pool of addiction, all that matters is when you’re getting more and how…

Truth be told, when I officially went sober a week and a half into February of 2005, it wasn’t the first time. Hell, it wasn’t the first time in six months. And I’m clueless as to why I went sober six months earlier.

But, I could tell you about the night I relapsed. I could tell you what caused it. And I could tell you about the hell that followed including getting thrown out of college and having one of my best friends swallow a self-inflicted bullet.

Instead, I will tell you the last bit of “cocaine” I did was probably powdered sugar. No, it was powdered sugar. And thank god, because I had just polished off an “eight ball” of blow hours earlier. No, not by myself, but when I was sharing, I sure as shit was inhaling right next to them. By the way, those that don’t know why it’s called an eight ball, it’s mathematics. An eight ball is 3.5 grams of coke. An 1/8th of an ounce. Your street cred just increased by one point, you’re welcome.

And the last bit of alcohol I tasted was a warm Miller Lite.

Two days later, I got pulled over.

Driving to work, a block drive from where I was living, I got nabbed because I didn’t have my seat belt on and I didn’t have my 93′ Cadillac El Dorado (I’m such an asshole) inspected.

I mean who could afford to get something like a car inspected when I was paying 80 fucking dollars for a goddamn gram of confectionery sugar?

Nonetheless, I got pulled over and ticketed. I was informed by said officer if my car were to be inspected within the next week, I would have my ticket torn up.

Told the cat at work I needed to take care of some personal shit and took my car to the local garage, Blows Service Station. Still to this day, greatest slogan ever:

“There’s no job like a Blow job!”

No shit, their last name was Blow. People so wanted to be offended. Especially in city of 12,000 that had 3 Catholic Churches. Know why they couldn’t?

Freedom!

I’ve been going there for years, they even gave me a t-shirt. God I loved that shirt.

But on this day, they weren’t going to give me an inspection sticker unless I had $1500 for new brake lines and some other shit that sounded like high pitch ringing once I heard $1500.

Instead, well, they may have saved my life.
Step 2: Make a decision and get leverage against yourself

So, of course, I couldn’t afford the repairs, I mean $1500 is a fuckload of powdered sugar.

What was I to do?

God knows it wasn’t simply go to one of the 975 other places in Vermont that would have inspected my wannabe mafioso, chubby, hairy ass. I mean, I wasn’t too fat back then. After I quit drinking, different story. After I quit drinking, I looked like a glazed ham that got dropped on a barber shop floor.

hairy guy selfie

I wasn’t THAT bad. But I’m a little furry. And when I say a little furry, I don’t mean I’m little and dress like an animal while attending conventions for said fettish.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, I didn’t go to the garage in Proctor with a guy named Ernie who would throw an inspection sticker on my window for a twenty. Instead, I did the rational thing.

Ya, I couldn’t afford a new one. And no, it wasn’t because of my negotiating sugar price skills. It was because my credit was so good I received no less than 5 calls a day from credit card companies wishing to speak to me.

Needless to say, I owed a few bucks.

Needless to say, I was failing at life.

Needless to say, I needed something that would snap me out of it.

And it came from the most obvious of places:

A 1999 Ford Explorer with a dent in the door.

Somehow, I was able to get approved, but the cost? $100 more a month than I was already paying…or more so, not paying for my Caddy.

How was I going to do it?

“Fine, I’ll have to quit drinking and doing drugs”.

Funny, in life, at least back then, I would select one person every year, consciously or subconciously to be my arch nemesis. And back on this day, it just so happened to be the gal selling me this car.

“Like you can do that.” She quipped in condescending yet accurately cunty way.

Little did she know that’s what I respond to.

Doubt me, please.

Let me know you feel that way, please.

Because, that’s when I say:

“Fuck you, watch!”

I should really thank her for that…

Ya, Im good.

Step 3: Commitment

Oh the first few days were hell. You have to cut out at least 25 people from your life, and even alienate yourself from the only friends you thought you knew. And somehow ask for forgiveness from the ones that watched you die from the sidelines.

Try not to get angry with those that say, “I was going to tell you that you need to quit”.

Try not to respond with, “Oh really? I would of thanked you if you did”.

Which is nothing more than a bold faced bullshit of a lie. Like I would of listened to anyone. Cindy Crawford could have been naked with a sash saying “Property of Keith Hannigan” telling me I was dying from my addiction. And I would have told her to go fuck herself and she turned Richard Gere gay.

For you see, I was simply looking for someone, anyone to be pissed off with.

When the cocksucker in the mirror is the one I truly hated.

You go and tell your mother and kid brother that you’re an alcoholic and an addict. She doesn’t know what to do, so she offers you to cook for you. Bless her heart. All the while kid brother looks at you and you see him judging you as weak and a coward. Bless his heart, he’s just sick of being scared about losing his only brother.

You tell your dad and he freezes. Bless his heart, only months earlier he was suffering from a marriage he couldn’t escape from.

Bless your friends that didn’t know how to respond because at the age of 26, who could have such a drug and drinking problem? I mean, that’s for guys in their 40’s and 50’s…right?

Bless all them for only years earlier, they were all standing above you in a hospital room asking:

“Why?”

You want to be angry, so angry. What the fuck! Why can’t I drink? Why can’t I ever again have a goddamn sip ever again? Why God, why did you do this to me?!? What did I do, huh? What the fuck did I ever do to you to give me this goddamn disease? Fuck you God, FUCK YOU!

Then, well, God gave me this and…I cried… a lot…

God also gave me a friend, her name was Nina. She too was battling this godforsaken disease. A disease I’ve had since birth. A disease I still have. A disease that is mine for perpetuity.

And Nina, well, she held my hand for the first month, because the first month, I wasn’t just struggling mentally. I wasn’t just struggling spiritually…I began to suffer physically…
Step 4: Supplementing and Rewarding

Now, there is a fat kid within me. People that see me today don’t believe it, but…well…

Fat Keith

Ya, I’m the one with the tits on the right.

Sugar… I had an unquenchable hunger for all I could get my hands on. And now that I was sober, I stopped paying $80 a gram for it. But Ben and Jerry’s is pretty goddamn close!

Not to mention my marijuana consumption had grown exponentially trying to alleviate the pain of withdrawal. Withdrawal feeling like you have the goddamn Bird-Flu for a month.

Authors Note: For those that say marijuana is a “gate way drug”. Folks, when I drank, I snorted cocaine, pills, and anything I could break into a powder. I smoked crack, cocaine, pills and anything that could be smoked. And I tried to sleep with any woman that gave me a second look. Good thing there is a very true tale of what cocaine does to the male libido at 4am. Very true. Meanwhile, pot, ya, it made me want to write, it made me want to eat Ben and Jerry’s and it made me want to kick my roommates ass in Madden. You tell me which one is the gateway drug!

You try to not smoke a carton of cigarettes a week because, well, your caffeine intake has also doubled if not quadrupled. And nothing pairs as well as a Marlboro Medium and a Vanilla Caramel Coffeemate.

Authors Note: This week is also my 10 year Anniversary for quitting butts. Now that, that sucked! Again though, the same principles here applied. And yes, including my marijuana consumption.

Then, then you realize something…you have more money. Holy shit, you have a lot more money. Don’t get me wrong, your luxurious tastes in ice cream (something about high priced sugar and me), coffee, cigarettes, and marijuana deplete the account. But not nightly. Not like before. So, what do you do with all this excessive income?

Save? Boring.

Pay off debt? Only as much as necessary to stop the cell phone from ringing.

And did it ever stop ringing. Especially when you think you’ve lost all of your friends. But you didn’t. Just the posers drifted away and the real ones came and took rightful place.

Not many, just the perfect amount.

You set up a reward system. Once a week, every week that goes by without a sip or a snort, you buy a dvd or a cd. The things that actually provided you joy, real, true joy. Movies and music.

But you keep thinking of something…

You miss your friend, Rocco. He was my friend who shot himself. He would have liked this healing version of me.

Instead, well, you only remember not answering his call because you were too hungover. The call he made the day before he, well, you know where this is going.
Step 5: Life without being numb.

There were days, weeks, months, and years that comprised the past 13 years where a drink would have been nice. Anything would have been nicer than having to sit and absorb, deal, think, and feel things like a painful divorce.

Instead, well, you grow.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still the 5’6 guy that has a slight Napoleon complex and I guess is racist too. Who knew? Goddamn snow owls.

You develop new addictions. You know this about yourself. You know you have this addictive personality which goes guns blazing into everything that you do. So, you focus on your health. You focus on your fitness. You focus on your mental strength. You focus on getting smarter. You go back to school and knock it out of the fucking park while finding the one thing that you’re blessed enough to not only love to do, but actually have some talent at. And you focus on becoming an emotional titan with the ability to tell your tale in hopes of someone reading this and realizing they are not alone.

But first, you needed to ask for forgiveness and more importantly, you need to forgive.

Yom Kippur is the day where those of a Jewish faith ask for the forgiveness of God. The day before is Erev Yom Kippur, the day you ask for the forgiveness of your fellow man.

In the years that followed, you ask for the forgiveness from the ones you loved, yet hurt.

In the years that followed, you forgave and thanked the ones you hated, yet loved.

And then, one day, well, one day you look in the mirror and ask for his forgiveness.

One day you look into the mirror and you forgive him for all that he put you through…

And one day you look into the mirror and you thank him.

Because without him, you wouldn’t be who you are today.

-k

When did Mass get militant?

I go to Church.  Yes, every Sunday.  I pray, I sit, I stand, I kneel, I shake hands, I sing, I even receive communion if you can believe that.  Why?

Because I am God.

On occasion, I will see some of my “Ultra-liberal” friends-Being a retired Phish follower, you tend to have a few of those-Post on Facebook a link to either a video or an article, sometimes a very unoriginal meme slamming religion.  And that’s okay.

For you see, from what I gathered over my 13 years in the Catholic School system, is that God loves us all,  God is within all of us because we are the children of God, which means I should love everyone because they are God,  which equals I am God.

I just went all six degrees of Kevin Bacon and shit on you.  Didn’t know what the fuck to do, did ya?

Faith is a muscle that we need to use or it will develop atrophy.  I don’t believe that simply because I have a faith.  I do get how one may come to that conclusion.  I believe it though because I bared witness to it.

Effort is not lacking by this little guy in South Glens Falls.  It’s not hubris, it’s just fact.  I bust my ass when focused on the things that I covet, desire, or flat out want.  What I lack is a faith.  Faith in those that surround me will not be detrimental to my process.  Faith that I won’t have a moment of sabotage, or paranoia that a letter will come in the mail that will cripple me financially.  Faith in myself and the resilience I possess, the resourcefulness that I take for granted, these will not permit me to completely fail.

I just didn’t have faith.

So, what did I do?  I figured that if I could have a Faith in God, than I could easily have a Faith in myself, right?  I mean, I can look into the mirror and see me.  If I pray that I possess the ability to do something, I say, “Self, let’s do something.”  As opposed to praying to something that I have a greater hope for, than maybe anything, that this deity exists.

And trust me, my faith, doesn’t even scratch the service of those that hope for that more than their next breath.  My source, an 89-year-old, Sicilian/Italian, Roman-Catholic Grandmother.

Imagine if we put that amount of hope, prayer, and emotional trust in ourselves, what we could accomplish? Achieve?  Fulfill?

Think about that. Instead, we blame others, our parents, our past which equals our future, we even blame ourselves.  Yet, we pray to God, that God make it better, as opposed to us praying to ourselves that WE make this better.

Yet today during the Homily at Mass, it felt hostile.  Making reference to prayer being taken out of public schools.  Having a more sensitive society out of fear of offending.  We’re allowing an emotion to dictate what we say.  That is why we are so afraid today more than ever, when we really don’t have that much to be afraid of.  Yet, we’re told that we should be and we believe it.

My fear is debt.  There 100’s of millions afraid where they can find their next meal or clean drinking water, and I’m worried about having debt into my 50’s.  Think about what you’re afraid of, and ask; Can I change that?  What do I have to do to change that?  Why is it easier for me to be afraid than taking the necessary actions to change it?

“Easy for you to say Keith, you don’t have children and I have to worry about their lives.”

I’m not saying don’t worry about them, but have trust, have faith, that you will provide them everything they will ever need to be prepared to have a love filled, fulfilling life!

They learn it from you.  You might as well start believing it.  And don’t compare it to the way you were raised.  You are your own person!  Knock that shit off.  Thank the parent for what you are!  And be thankful for what you aren’t! Give that gift to your child. Not to mention, you live in Vermont, or wherever you live, I don’t think you’re any imminent danger.

We’re smarter as a society, we just got scared.  Maybe if we invested more into having a faith, maybe, just maybe we wouldn’t be so afraid to put ourselves out there and make an everlasting change.

Have faith in God, because you are God.

Not A god.  Let’s get that perfectly clear.  You’re not David Koresh

 

Make Your Move and Shake Your Ass: My Four Days with Tony. Tomorrow.

“I am not a product of my circumstances,  I am a product of my decisions”

-Stephen Covey

I hopefully will never know the feeling of being incarcerated for any extended length of time and then being “freed” into the masses.  Even though, there has been the occasion where I thought:

“You know, other than avoiding rape and get shanked; You get fed, workout, read, sleep.  No bills to stress over, no relationships to deal with. Well, unless of course, you’re somebodies bitch.  And let’s just call it like it is; I’m 5’6, 155lbs, and white.  I don’t know if they like lean little guys, but if so,  I’m a high draft pick.”

Point being, when you leave this world of nothing but positive, high octane, on Crack energy that you’ve come to absolutely adore and call home for the past four days and nights;  You’re not only coming back into the masses that is the hypersensitive year 2016 but, the masses that is still are wondering what the fuck?

trump

But you’re doing it with that chest bowed out like you have the tits of Sofia Vergara.

sofia-vergara-breast-implants

The President-Elect would say they are great because they’re the best.

Have you seen House of Cards?  There was this scene where Frank and his wife and their…If you’ve seen the show, you know where I’m going.  It was instantly followed by a hot and sexy as hell scene on the opposite end of the spectrum. Seeing the images of these two about felt like that.

 

Speaking of complete opposites, that is what it’s like to leave jail as compared to Tony Robbins, nonetheless, your apprehensions are possibly very similar.

How do you behave?

Should I talk all about it? Because God knows it’s all I want to do.

Do I book my next one?  I don’t want this feeling to go away and if I have another to look forward to, it will keep me positive knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Do I go full force after what I want?  Break out of my restrictions? Break out of my comfort zone and truly just say “fuck it”, let’s do this?

Fascinated by the mind of the entrepreneur.  The person that believes they are their own boss. Also making them ultimately responsible for whether they succeed or fail.  No one else.

That’s courage.

Many only give credit, and justifiably so, to those that put their lives on the line, literally, whether in the Military or Emergency Services.  However, the entrepreneur takes an economic gamble that could leave them on food stamps. But, it also creates the opportunity to provide them, and their family,  with fortunes beyond their beliefs.     Sounds like the lottery, ya?  You can’t win if you don’t play, right?  But here is the one thing that they can do that someone that plays the lottery can’t do:

Work harder, work smarter.  When you leave, are you motivated? Yes.  Are you inspired? Yes.  But, going to one of these things is like being exceptional at practice.  You could be a stud Mon-Fri.  But when it’s game day, if you shrink in the moment, well, what good are you.  Same to be said here.  I could have made peace with aspects of my past, created a plan for my future, and learned how to take action in my present to make it all a possibility. But if I went back to my old habits as soon as landed in NY?  I essentially went to a four-day music festival.

When you leave, you’re leaving an atmosphere that is totally devoted for those attending to not only be entertained but, changed!  Think about that.  Those in attendance, some paying thousands to do so.  Some flying 18 hours like a man I met from Amsterdam.  Some flying cross country and living off protein bars and salt and vinegar almonds.  What they all wanted to do was have the knowledge, the tools, and the courage to make a drastic change in their life.  All of us think that something is missing, that we are kind of looking for our purpose, our mission in life. But it’s this:

Is Curly waiting for you in the form of Tony Robbins to tell you just that?  In a way.  Since I don’t feel like bringing a herd of cattle to their slaughter to try to discover my true purpose; This has to do.  Essentially, what you find out is that you just have to let go.

Let go of a past that does not pre-determine your future.  Just because it’s your past doesn’t mean it’s your destiny.  Let go of the future that may or may not happen.  It’s life, ONE THING can happen in a heartbeat and it all will change forever.  It could be for the good, the great, or the catastrophic, but it doesn’t mean you have you live life that way.  It means you GET to live life that way.

The world is filled with  stories of cancer patients that wish they knew this was going to happen to them decades ago. Why?  The time they truly lived life, was when they found out they were going to die.

Remember that list of 7 areas of life? Physical Body, Finances, Career/work, Contribution, etc.  (I write etc. because I can’t remember the last two and am too lazy and too focused to get up and look)  When you leave UPW, you MUST figure out a way to go after the one you want the most.  For me, and even if you’re my colleague or client, you won’t be shocked when you read this, it’s my career.

So, did I take action when I got back? Essentially,  does Tony Robbins work?

In chronological order. 1) Set up an appointment to get my student film, oh look, here it is again!

 

Anyway, like I was saying, I had to get it prepared to be submitted to film festivals.  A process that took a lot more time and effort one would think, but a major step.

Second, I needed a coach.  We saw earlier how remarkably expensive the Robbins Research life coaches were.  Truthfully, I didn’t think I needed one.  What I wanted was someone in the profession of screenwriting.  My mother came through clutch on this.  She bought me the Screenwriters Bible by Dave Trottier for my most recent birthday. A moment that brought me to tears.  How this simple gesture showed that my mother believed in her son and his dream.  So, who did I contact to be my writing coach? Dave Trottier.  Had our session and it was spectacular.  Keep your eyes peeled for when I get nominated for an Oscar.

My mother obviously had to be thanked for that, right?

WRONG

She needed to be thanked for much more than that.  She needed to be thanked for all the sacrifices, all the chances she took, and everything she did, to the best of her knowledge, abilities. I put that woman through hell and back and though she hated me at moments, and I hated her, she never stopped loving me with every ounce of being. And I love that woman more than any woman on Earth.

And I also  had to thank my dad.

This phone call was slightly tougher.  It required the moment of:

Do your move: “YES!”

Say yes: “YES!

Say yes: “YES!!!”

And then I called.  I honestly don’t know if I did that before, but when we were done, I definitely wiped my feet and celebrated!

That call belongs to us.

The last thing I did, I wrote a six-part blog about the most personal thing I’ve ever been through.  I would have never done this prior to the event, and I thank you with all of my overjoyed heart for reading this!

I made the decision that I MUST do it, and then gained LEVERAGE by posting that I was going to write six of these.  It got a little tiresome, a little too deep, but at the time, it was all about the will to allow myself to be scrutinized.  Many don’t know that is probably the writers number one fear.  That people won’t like it.  You know what I think of that:

FUCK YOU!

Let’s see you fly cross country, get no sleep, walk on coals, have your tongue, stomach, and ass decimated by protein bars and almonds  Hug and massage Lou, cry like your a kid and someone just broke your Optimus Prime, dance to Hits Volume 112, talk to complete strangers about why dad didn’t love you enough, listen to people tell you why their dad didn’t love them enough, clap until your hands were bruised, worry about falling down a flight of concrete steps in front of thousands, lose your voice four days in a row that made you sound like a transvestite doing an impersonation of Demi Moore,  and then deal with Uber!  Then when you get back, you share all of this while annoying God knows how many on social media with your “look at me, look at me” posts.

And you know what?

If you walked through my door right now with a ticket to Unleash the Power Within North Korea, a plane ticket sitting bitch the entire way, a bag full of salt and vinegar almonds and said we have to leave right now  with only the clothes on your back.  I’d say:

I’ll drive!

 

Thank you all!

PS: I’ve also signed up with Date with Destiny in Florida, December 2017, and keep your eyes peeled for Unleash the Power Within, NEW YORK!  July 2017.

Dedicated to the Memories of

Quido and Emma Notte.

Joshua “Rocco” Thompson.

 

For anyone looking for information about the event or anything to do with Tony Robbins, please call:  Angel McDonnell at 858-535-6287. Or email her at angel.mcdonnell@tonyrobbins.com

Please be sure to  tell her that I sent you.

Thank you and be sure to subscribe to find out when my next blog is posted

 

Make Your Move and Shake Your Ass: My Four Days with Tony. Day Four, Life Will Never Be The Same

Authors Note:  This will be the shortest of all blogs.  You’re welcome.

Oh how different you feel.  What I didn’t include about Day 3, is how high my chest was after the “Dickens Process” and I know I wasn’t alone.

2MM.  Life is nothing but 2mm.

And don’t be stupid, I don’t mean the candy.

It didn’t matter if I woke up on Sunday to protein and almond alarm, or gun shots outside of my room.  You look in the mirror differently. You give a hard look at that person staring back and a smile comes across both of your faces.  Like you see someone you haven’t seen in a long time that you had the biggest crush on.  But you were just afraid to say something in case they let you down.  Now, now you’re ready to put a ring on it!

Which is hard for me because I did get a divorce.  The next marriage is my last marriage.  And you know who says that more than any other human on this planet?  People going on their 3rd marriage.

Nonetheless, you knew everyone did too.  And today was a day full of that, and youtube videos of Tony.  The star of the day was decompression.  And every single product that the Robbins Research Institute had to sell. And that’s okay.  I swear at one point there was a product pitch within a product pitch.  Again, that’s okay.  Not only is Tony a beyond phenomenal public speaker, the fella knows how to market himself.  Remember those big tooth informercials interrupting my me time?  Well, the guy knew market saturation.  And his product was him.  Well, we got a whole day of it, but we also got Wim Hof.

DAY FOUR

Walking around was almost hysterical how everyone was just smiling at each other.  And if everyone wasn’t, you searched out another smile, locked eyes and just threw them one back.  You ever buy a new car and notice afterward how many others have your car?  Well, same thing but not so ego driven.  If they had a bracelet and a smile, when you locked eyes you knew they knew something too, and it felt friggen fantastic!

True story: I’m on the phone with my mother and talking about when I was coming back.  Told her the next day and when I get home after flying all day, I had to be up first thing in the morning to go to the dentist.  My attitude and I literally said it aloud:

“Which is cool because my mouth needs to be cleaned, so I have that to look forward to.”

A very not ugly lady turned and looked at me like I was absolutely awesome.

At least that is what I thought.  And I’m going to go with it.

Loaded up on some actually healthy food (Truth be told, they did have decent healthyish food to choose from at the SAP)  And BIG PROPS to the those at the locations that would fill your water. Especially that one right next to the water fountain.  Once loaded up, headed in.

Me to Security:  “Good morning, thank you for everything you guys are doing”

I’m not, by any stretch trying to sound awesome, it just is coming out that way, I swear.

Met up with a hippieish kid and decided we were going to head to the same section I was last night.  Which, it was pretty cool because you do see smiling faces of friends now.  Sad that this was the end. But it was the beginning and a lot of us knew that.

Now, like I alluded to earlier, this day was nothing but sales.  It started with a voluntary Business Mastery tease with Mike Melio.  Mikey came out two nights prior to tell his difficult journey to prosperity and happiness.  Afterward, they tried to sell you on one of Tony’s other live events.  On this day, it was about an hour and a half of him giving you an outline and tease of the type of information you could get about your business at said event.  It was good, one thing I learned about any entrepreneur or even an autonomous salesperson; be an expert of whatever you are selling.  And use social media and your website to convey that message.  Along with radio!!!  I work for one of these mediums, can you figure out which one?

Joseph followed shortly after and for the remainder of the day we had brief moments of Joe, a guy from Egoscue (Tony Horton fans know what that is) to do some physical stretches.  Joe even gave me the chance to slap a gorgeous 20 something on the ass.

And you’re goddamn right I did.

But the majority of the day was spent watching videos of Tony at another seminar talking about health.  Did it come across as somewhat lame?  Informative? Yes.  Am I using any of the information that was provided? Yes. I stopped eating red meat of any kind and any poultry. Never much of a pork eater, though. Why?

To answer the original question; was it lame?  It was Tony on a screen and the room was still pretty damn cold.  I wasn’t complaining, but I wasn’t nearly as invested as I was the night before.  Unless someone was on stage, and that someone was Wim Hof.

Instead of me going through who Wim Hof is, I will just pass this along for you to judge for yourself.

http://beta.wimhofmethod.com/pages/about

Wim had us doing a horse stance breathing exercise.  All I know, is that I ran a 5k distance that morning and had been on my feet,  a lot, for the previous 3 days.  My legs didn’t get tired and we held that stance for a good amount of time.  The next thing we learned was how to hold our breath to strengthen our immune system.  I will just say that the third time through, I was at least at 2 minutes with my breath held.  It was pretty crazy.  And like that, he was gone.

There were products being pitched with lessons attached.  Primarily about Alkalinity.  If you are a part of Team Beachbody, a lot of what he was teaching was already known.  Especially if you did the Ultimate Reset.  Which I do at least once a year to clean my system.  If interested (like how I did that?) feel free to look into it via:

http://www.beachbodycoach.com/esuite/home/coachkeithitup

By this point of the night, the crowd was 1/3rd the size.  People were tired.  But for those that stayed, well, Joseph sent us off perfectly.

Thank you, Joseph, for being the perfect Robin!

And yes, I made sure to find my Angel (had to) and say thank you for being placed on Earth for me to find at the exact right moment.

To cap off the event, Uber was simple!  My God!

And what happened when I got back to my hotel?  I had dinner with a phenomenal young lady.

Thank you, San Jose!

Thank you, to the entire crew!

Ah hell with it, thank you, Uber!

Now the question to ask is:

Did it work?

One more blog to go and I will have some kickass news too!

For anyone looking for information about the event or anything to do with Tony Robbins, please call:  Angel McDonnell at 858-535-6287. Or email her at angel.mcdonnell@tonyrobbins.com

Please be sure to  tell her that I sent you.

Thank you and be sure to subscribe to find out when my next blog is posted

 

Make Your Move and Shake Your Ass, My Four Days with Tony: Day 3, SET A NEW STANDARD!

Authors Note:  Even though I have shared many personal moments throughout these blogs, this post in particular, will have some moments of ambiguity.  There are moments from this day that belong to me and only me.  If you were there, you will completely understand.  If you weren’t, hopefully someday you will and it will be because of what you’re about to readThank you and enjoy. 

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

-Mark Twain

Think back to days that forever changed your life.  When you awoke, did you know it would be that day?  Despite being forewarned multiple times the day before by Angel, my life was about to change and how did it kick off?

Goddamn protein bars and almonds!

Saturday morning I awoke after getting a whole 5 hours of sleep.  Other than Angel also informing me about this being THE day of transformation, it was also the longest day, slated to go from 8:30am until 1am.  Do the math.  Still, I must get my workout in.  While in the hotel gym, I noticed a couple other guys that were also wearing their UPW bracelets. (When you registered, you were given a bracelet and lanyard that showed your seating area by color) Our conversation was short, but I made sure to mention how I was informed this was going to be a long one.  So fuel up!

I’m geared up and ready to go, you know, that extra hour of sleep really kicked things up a notch!  Truthfully, I was stoked about Tony being back today.  Like I mentioned earlier, Joseph is spectacular!  But I’m sure even he would admit, the energy when Tony is there, it’s like an amp that goes to 11.

 

However, if I was jazzed for the fact Tony was going to be there, surely some of the other 10,500 felt the same way.  So, I had to get my little ass moving!

Breakfast at the Cafe in the hotel right? WRONG.  Doesn’t open until 7.  And I needed to be on the road.  Whole Foods right? WRONG, they don’t open until 8!  SON OF A BITCH!

Well, goddamn it.

Fast Forward to today.  It’s been over a week and I can’t even look at a bag of salt and vinegar almonds.  Anyway, off to:

DAY THREE

At this point, my comfort level with interacting with complete and total strangers is greater than talking to my family.  How so?  You start to think about how the outside world, your friends, your family, your co-workers, your clients, and how they going to judge you when you get back.

“How was your thing?”

“Did you drink the Kool-Aid?”

“Did you burn your feet?”

“You ‘re not going to be all positive and shit now, right?”

“You DO know Tony Robbins is a fraud?”

My mind was already worrying about something that may or may not happen?  Please refer back to the quote at the beginning of this post.  For some reason though, I had this feeling I was going to be treated like I just became a Scientologist!

Then my phone rang, it was my father.

My father and I have always had a very, tumultuous relationship.  I was predominantly raised by my maternal grandparents and was always a “momma’s boy”. My mom’s family has always been the ones I’ve loved the most and felt like I disappointed the greatest.  When I lost my grandparents within a year of each other, that is when my life sputtered out of control.  Throw in one of my best friends suicide, and well, you can see why I believed (past tense) back in my 20’s that I was justified in having a drug and alcohol dependency.

Back to my father, we actually enjoyed our conversation.  It was lighthearted and even though I sounded like a transvestite phone sex operator, he was so intrigued by what I was doing.  That was the moment I knew the day was going to be different.

I even told him I loved him.

When you get inside, they still don’t let you go to your section of choosing until a certain time. Meanwhile, people line up to ensure they get the seat they want.  While standing there, a very cute, young, Asian woman started chatting with me.  After a bit, we shared a little, not much, a little information about ourselves to each other.  For example:

Me: “I’m 38, you?”

Her: “I’m in my 30’s”

Oh was this little shit going to sit next to me. If not for the simple reason of seeing how much I could get out of her.  She felt like a challenge. S0, I asked if she would sit next to me and she obliged.  Off we went to spend the next, potentially 15 hours with each other.

Another aspect I’ve failed to mention up until now is the dancers.  Yes, the Fire Dancers.  At least that’s what I think they were called.  Their job is to come out and get you pumped up.  Remember the music that I described how God awful some of it was?  It’s Jock Jams.  Plain and simple, it’s Jock Jams and you fucking love it.  You’re doing the claps they are doing, the waves they are doing, the dance moves, and everything. 1996-2015 Keith wouldn’t speak to this guy.  Now I’m Superfly dancing to Britney and Pitbull.  I’m even shaking my ass like I’m the Hotstepper!

 

The young lady that I just met started to open up.  Many of you reading this don’t know me, I’m quite loquacious. Simply put, I talk A LOT and don’t shut the fuck up.  But now I’m listening.  I’m asking her more and more about her life and finding out she was a first generation Chinese American in her family. The more and more I found out, the more and more I realized how amazing some people are and how spectacular their journeys to this destination was.  For you see, it wasn’t just about seeing Tony Robbins, it was seeing how the people you were surrounded by had more in common with you emotionally than you thought.  We all get so consumed and/or overwhelmed by our emotions on a day to day basis thinking that no one understands us.  Just to find out, we’re not alone. We’re far from alone.

Joseph came out first. Initially, it was kind of a letdown, especially when you thought it was going to be Tony all day and night.  Whatever. A let down to this crowd would be the apex compared to A LOT of crowds that I’ve witnessed.   Nonetheless, the education began.  We learned that if you are going to have an Extraordinary Life, you must see what the 7 areas were and how you value each.  This is good for you that weren’t there, because take a moment to look and think about these:

In no particular order: 1)Physical Body. 2)Emotions and Meaning 3)Relationships 4)Time 5)Work/Career/Mission 6) Finances and 7) Celebrate/contribution, Spiritual Sense.

I know where I’m strong but where I want to be stronger.  Which means I fully understand my weaknesses.  The reason you do this, look at where you’re strong and  juxtapose what you do on a daily basis to make them so. Compare that to what you’re weak at. Be honest with yourself, it’s only you, to you, about you, you’re talking to.  I had to turn to my newfound, first generation, fine, female friend.

I joked earlier about how I would share lessons I learned and all you had to do was read this blog to discover them.  I had to turn to the person to my right, left, behind and in front,  a complete stranger, and tell them some things only my fucking therapist knows.  When you have a therapist, you are essentially their mafia boss and you’re paying them off to keep their lips zipped! But now, I’m turning to my right or left and saying my biggest fear, the one thing that frightens me to the point of nightmares and constant self-depreciation, is this and this is why.  You had to get over that shit quick.  Like Day 1, Hour 1.  However, the rabbit hole was going deeper.  Because…

HEEEEEERE’S TONY!!!

EXPLOSION!  LIKE 10,500 PEOPLE ALL HAVING THE BIGGEST ORGASM OF THEIR LIFE AT ONCE!

Don’t ask me why, it just was, and it was fucking awesome!  I could show you a crystal clear video with flawless audio and it would still not even touch what it felt like in that place, at that moment in time.  And by the way, I believe I’ve gained some sort of credibility earlier about being at monumental events.

wwf_wrestlemania_11_eventposter

I have to add this in first.  Next to the adorable young woman to my left, (I had an aisle seat, remember this) there was a really big, like, looked like NYC mechanic named whose name could have been Lou and his Italian nephew who looked like a Michael.  Remember, “Hug 9 people”?  Well, there was something else you had to do. “Get in groups of 4 and massage the person in the middle”.  That didn’t happen initially.  “Lou” kept conveniently disappearing at those moments.  And at this point, I was okay with it. We will get back to this shortly. Oh and if you don’t like being touched. These events are NOT for you.  Or they could be a way for you to get over that shit!

He opened up with a lot of science about human chemistry and physiology. A theme throughout the weekend.   Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t rocket science, but it was very educating.  I’ve been reading his book, listening to his audio cd’s, and watched the documentary; I understood his language.  A good sum of it was redundant to me.

Then the children were taken out of the room.

For those that have never seen the documentary or much of anything about Tony Robbins, he curses like a drunk trucker at Mardi Gras.  I obviously was very fucking offended. He does acknowledge the children, though.  Saying they are going to hear things, but it is meant to shock.   Freud did it, so, you know.

“Don’t worry the kids are going into another room, we’ve got some great stuff for them to do.  We don’t want them seeing this because this may be very traumatic to them.”

What…the…fuck?  Was I scared when I heard this? You bet you’re fucking sweet ass I was.  And you would be too!  Keep in mind I already walked on fire and may be giving Lou a massage.  So, you know, everything is kinda on the table in this place.

But that is why I walked on fire.

THE DICKENS PROCESS

We all know about Scrooge right?  Whether you’ve read the immortal classic “A Christmas Carol” or saw Bill Murray in “Scrooged”, you know the concept, right?  Past, Present, Future equals changed life. It was at the moment Scrooge sees his future, after examining his childhood and current state, that he ultimately realizes that  his life has to change.   Well, the next hour was spent writing down our 3 most limiting beliefs. The ones that hold us back, scare us.  And guys and gals, I’m not talking about being scared of fucking heights.  These are beliefs.

“I believe if I do this, that will happen”

And some of those are pretty damn debilitating, now aren’t they?  And I’m turning to my left to tell them to someone I met 3 hours ago.

After we wrote three and why, we wrote their complete antithesis.  Our most 3 empowering beliefs and why.

“If only I could do this, this would happen.”

Now that we got those on paper.  We were told that what we are about to do is associate so much pain to those three limiting beliefs, that we will never allow ourselves to feel the same way about them again.

Allow me to say this with the highest regard for our Military and those that Serve.  I am NOT comparing what we did with what they go through.  But the premise can be similar.
We were broken down and then built back up.  Reprogrammed.  And Tony Robbins is my leader.  I’m fucking with you. Just pay attention:

The room went dark and we were told to close our eyes.

“People are going to go through some very strong, intense emotions, don’t comfort them.  Let them suffer.”

Imagine the life that you have where you will never change, a life where you will always be limited by these beliefs, a life that is lived in fear.

Now imagine 5 years from now, feeling that exact same way. But worse.

A boy, I say boy because he just sounded so young to me.  This boy let out a horrific scream like he was being mutilated.  It scared the shit out of me.  Then I thought,

“Why aren’t I having that type of moment?”

Then…

“Imagine it’s 10 years.  Now, people are leaving you because of how you are. You’re all alone”

My knee fucking buckled. I dont know why, but it buckled.  I had to reach back for the arm of my seat. Oh God I couldn’t open my eyes because now…The sobs, the screams…it’s all you could hear and then someone screamed:

“STOP!!!”

At 17 years old, I attempted suicide with my baby brother downstairs.  At 23 I was fully addicted to alcohol, I buried the two people that raised me and my penance for not telling them how much I loved them was feeling like I disappointed them for perpetuity. At 26 we buried my friend that shot himself in the head. The day before, he called and I didn’t answer because I was too hungover.

What I went through for 12 minutes on November 12th, 2016, was the worst moment of my life.  It felt like hell. It was hell…I couldn’t stand straight up. I tried, God knows I tried.  All you heard were people crying uncontrollably.

“Let out a sound that describes what that feels like”

I didn’t know our soul could scream.

“Imagine it’s  20 years”

If he were in front of me…I would have fallen to my knees and begged him to stop.

This is what pathetic feels like.

“Let out a sound that describes what THAT feels like”

I didn’t know the terrified child could scream.

Then..

“REPEAT AFTER ME!”

NOW I AM THE VOICE

I WILL LEAD, NOT FOLLOW

I WILL BELIEVE, NOT DOUBT

I WILL CREATE, NOT DESTROY

I AM A FORCE FOR GOOD

I AM A LEADER

DEFY THE ODDS!!!

SET A NEW STANDARD!!!

STEP UP! STEP UP!! STEP UP!!!

“NOW MAKE THE SOUND OF EVERLASTING JOY!”

YES! MOTHER FUCKING YES!!!!

This is was unstoppable feels like!

And like that, it turned into the most epic moment of my life.  That’s all you get.  My words will never accurately describe what happened after.  I will continue on with certain aspects, but you must feel it for yourself.  Do it for yourself.  Give yourself that gift.  For some, it will be the very first time you ever truly loved yourself.

And what a glorious feeling that is.

All I’m going to say what happened to me physically is this.  I had an aisle seat and had to reach back to make sure I didn’t fall down the stairs because of…I felt sick.  Violently sick. But this is aimed at those that were there, does anyone wish they had someone handing out a few tissues?  The amount of snot coming out of my nose.

And then we had to stick our fucking fingers up the damn thing. Do you honestly think something didn’t stick to it when I pulled it out?  All the while talking to the person to my left?

That was part of breaking the pattern.  We touched base with our inner child, and proved how foolish these beliefs were.  This was proceeded by replacing a lot of our past with our undetermined future.  Oh and what a future I now have waiting for me.

This was the last day with Tony and it was everything you could have prayed, hoped and dreamed of. He was humorous, educating, informative, passionate, honest, and loving.  If some how, some way he sees this.  Thank you.  It was an awful nice thing you did for us…me.

And we fucking rocked that place until 12am!!!

The next hour was for those that wished to sign up for the Mastery Program.  He came back on after 1am but I left at about 12:45.  I had just “exorcised the demons”, I was spent.

Life officially hit the reset button.

Christ, even Lou gave me a massage!

Nothing could touch me, right?

WRONG!

Fucking Uber…

 

For anyone looking for information about the event or anything to do with Tony Robbins, please call:  Angel McDonnell at 858-535-6287. Or email her at angel.mcdonnell@tonyrobbins.com

Please be sure to  tell her that I sent you.

Thank you and be sure to subscribe to find out when my next blog is posted

 

 

Make Your Move and Shake That Ass. My Four Days With Tony: Day One, Firewalkers

DAY ONE:

November 8th, the people that were angry and afraid took to the polls.

November 9th, the people that were angry and afraid took to social media.

November 10th, my anger, and my fear put me on a plane to San Jose.

Of course only after getting to bed the night before at 3:30Am. I’ll let you figure out why.   (Hint, the answer is in the next picture.)

It kicked off at 3:00 AM starting a 26 hour day that included a cross-country flight, a diet of protein bars, salt and vinegar almonds and Dentyne gum.  The mint melon is delicious. I actually woke up at 3:19, I can’t figure out my alarm.

Whether I was in Albany, Chicago, or ultimately San Jose, the air was filled with uncertainty.  If you’re wondering why, because this happened.

:trump

It was going to be a long day.  The event kicked off at 12pm PST and was scheduled to go until 1AM  with the infamous “Firewalk” being the closer.  I anticipated getting to bed by 2:30am PST, which would have made it 5:30 EST.  Making this a glorious 26 hour and 11 minute day.  Goddamn alarm.  My Carhartt backpack, so graciously given to me by the proprietor of the Safety Wearhouse in South Glens Falls.  The Safety Wearhouse, Fashion with Function; was filled with my supplies for the weekend:Team Beachbody Engergize supplement, my Green Drink for Alkalinity, protein bars and Salt and Vinegar almonds for the event. Plus a lot of gum. A LOT of gum.  During my 4 plus hour flight from Chicago to San Jose, I decided to knock back a serving of Energize. Energize by the way is like Predator blood bright in color.

predator-extracting-bullet

 

Imagine me trying to scoop out of a plastic bag this bright neon powder while wearing a black fleece sitting in the far from roomy Southwest 737 airline seat.  People were looking at me like I had anthrax.  If they weren’t they should have been.  The girl next to me knew right away what it was.  Next thing you know I’m sharing the rest of my flight next to an amazing Team Beachbody Coach, Super Nurse, and superb mother of two from Ohio. (Nurse at Ohio State University).  And guess where she was going?  That’s right, Chico!

(Inside joke.  When I was 18, Hippie Keith took a bus from Vermont to Chico because someone said it was awesome there. So there I was, 18, covered in hair and hemp with nothing but a bag of clothes, my djembe drum, and $1700 strapped to my belly.  And when I got there, I spent 3 months wondering why the hell was I in Chico, California before I eventually flew back)

For the next 3 hours, we shared personal story after personal story.  At one moment we even laughed acknowledging that we were sort of “pre-gaming” the event.  Both of us were childlike in our eagerness to see what awaited.

After wishing each other nothing but exactly what they needed, we set off in separate directions to the same destination.

This is part of the story where I could EASILY rip into the Courtyard Marriot for not providing me my shuttle I ordered the day before.  Or the fact that Uber is the definition of hit or miss.  Fortunately,  I met some great people through Uber and the Courtyard Marriot paid for a taxi. Life could have been worse.  For you see, anger was not allowed as an emotion to dominate this voyage.  As we all can attest, isn’t always the case when one is traveling. But this had to be different.  It needed to be different.

Prior to making the decision to go, I checked on hotel rooms to see if I could get a place to stay the night before.  This would have eliminated not only the aforementioned 26 hour day, but I could have also registered.  Not happening, my hotel was booked solid.  This kind of became a hemorrhoid.  Not literally.   The line to get into the building  was about 2 football fields long. Not all that bad, right?  Well, guess what was waiting for me once I finally entered my new home for the next 4 days?   Another line that went around, down, back up, and around the other half of the SAP Center.   If you want a complete architectural description , I’m clearly your guy.   Nonetheless, you just kept meeting fascinating people! Without any idea that this was just a sign of things to come.  And for those that truly know me, how long do you think it took before I not only introduced myself, but bragged about being on a cross-country flight since 5am EST?  If you said anything more than 30 seconds, we’re obviously not close.

Once registered I turned out to be the last person in the entire registration line to receive the Tony Robbins best-seller: “MONEY” Master the Game.  No joke, there had to be at least a couple hundred behind me.  Everything was now coming up Keithy!

I’m not an idiot, you more than likely started reading this just to find out what the hell a Tony Robbins “seminar” is like.  So finally, here you go.  You’re welcome.

What is a Tony Robbins event like?

A lecture mixed with a rave mixed with a Phish show mixed with a rock concert mixed with a Gospel Reading (not literally) mixed with a stand-up comedy routine mixed with sporting event mixed with a TED Talk mixed with group meditation mixed with AA meeting mixed with..  And  I ran out of adjectives.  This is not hyperbole.

The presence, the energy, the crowds reaction to Tony Robbins is unparalleled.  He has this charm to him that completely makes you want to listen to every syllable that comes out of his mouth.  He’s knowledgable, comedic, and more than anything, authentic.  It’s impossible to not love him.

The room had to be sub 55 degrees.  And I get that an NHL hockey team plays there (San Jose Sharks) but that’s not the reason.  High energy is crucial.  How do you keep high energy? Keep the room frigidly cold,  feed them info for 45 minutes and then feed them fun for 15.  Sometimes the fun outlasted the info.  Afterwards you have to give a complete stranger a hug, then another, then another, then another, and then another.  At one point it was 9 hugs and then you could sit down.  It didn’t hurt that I had a blue eyed Kim Kardashian to my right.  And I’m pretty sure the son of Jon Hein to my left.  Guess which one I had to hug first.

jon-hein

He was a sweet kid, that was dealing with a massive trauma in his life.  I will consistently make jokes about those I was with or near, but they were some amazing people just looking for change.  Looking for hope.  Looking to be loved by themselves.

This was unlike ANYTHING I have ever experienced and I’ve: eaten acid at Phish,  seen the NY Giants win a playoff football game on a Super Bowl run, eaten mushrooms at Phish, been to  Cirque Du Soleil in Las Vegas, lost my hearing at a Justin Timberlake, saw a kid get rifled in a mosh pit at Disturbed and Korn, seen the Mets Vs. Yankees with Matt Harvey on the mound,  I’ve even seen Michael Jordan play.  For Christ’s sake, I’ve even been to Wrestlemania where Salt N Pepa played “Whatta Man” and Lawrence Taylor was the Main Event vs. Bam Bam Bigelow.

lawrencetaylor_display_image

I watched as people were asked in the audience in what is called an “intervention”, what holds them back in life?  Two people stood out. A man that was hunched over thinking he would never be enough.  By the end of it, he was walking like his cock was a foot long.  Another was a woman that lost her child during labor.  This was tough.  By the end of it, she realized there ARE options.  Tony has multiple children from his previous marriage that were not his biological children.  He made the point of saying, “Do you think I don’t love them like they ARE my own?  I adore them!”  Not only did this resonate, but what really got the both of them and us, was when Tony asked the audience if anyone has felt or gone through what not only she, but the previous man had gone through?  A massive amount of people raised their hands.  It really started to sink in, we’re not alone here.  We’re among friends.

Unleash the Power Within  was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.  The greatest thing I’ve ever been a part of. The greatest decision of my life.  And it wasn’t even 3 hours old!

Opening night consisted of telling secrets to complete strangers, yelling so much I lost my voice, jumping up and down for 10 minutes…5 minutes…2 minutes…30 seconds…10 seconds  straight  for 10 hours.  Clapping until my hands hurt, hugging, high fiving, crying and laughing hysterically.  Even  Pitbull showed up and played.  I wasn’t necessarily a fan of “Mr. Worldwide.” But, fast forward to today and I’ve downloaded this song and  can’t help by smile and move when I hear it:

 

All of this was leading up to the 1000lb elephant in the room, we were going to walk on fire!

To say the crowd of 10,500 thinned out as we were leading up to it would be like saying that Donald Trump winning the election was a pleasant surprise.  The majority remained, though.  After being prepped, meditating, tricks to change our mental state, and taught how to walk across the coals (power walk).  We took off our shoes and socks and walked to the parking lot at 1am clapping our hands and chanting, “Yes, Yes, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!!”  Say that aloud and anyone within ear shot is thinking you’re…you know…

Once this mass of positive energy made it’s way to the SAP parking lot, we were greeted by loud African drum beats  (Hippie Keith was elated) and 35 rows of hot coals.

“LOOK UP, DO YOUR MOVE, SAY YES, SAY YES, WALK ACROSS WITH YOUR HEAD HIGH CHANTING THE WORDS ‘COLD MOSS,COLD MOSS, COLD MOSS’.  STOP WIPE YOUR FEET AND THEN CELEBRATE!!”

That is what ingrained into our heads prior to the walk.  Also mentioned were those that got burned while trying to take selfies in Texas.  Oh, plus the fact that the reason why we had to wipe our feet before they washed them off was because we could get hot coal in our toes.  You could literally hear air being sucked out of the arena when he mentioned that little nugget.  Which was of course followed by, “Oh you guys didn’t think of that huh?”  We were told absolutely not to run.  Why? Imagine tripping.  That’s how you get a souvenir.  About those who got hurt in Texas, the way they set it up, you have to be a special type of stupid to get severely burned.  Truthfully, I wasn’t scared, not even nervous, just excited about experiencing something truly unique.  Even though I’m pretty sure on more than one occasion while black out drunk I walked across a campfire.  Yeah, I’m almost positive.  Yeah, I’m positive.  So this wasn’t shit.  Put it up 150 feet in the air, now I’m a little nervous.  Keeping my short ass on the ground, no worries whatsoever.

Here is what the firewalk consisted of.

You are a mass of people trying to figure out where to go by following the crowd and smoke.  Once there, you start hearing people cheering like they just scored the game-winning touchdown.  The crowd gets thinner, and thinner, and thinner as they are breaking off into lines.  All the while people are clapping chanting “Yes, Yes, YES!” African drums are just blaring.  Felt very tribal!  I’m basing this off of all my experiences with tribes.  I have however been to a “Bread And Puppet” where a drum circle lasted until 6am.  On acid. Anywho,  when there you are instantly 3rd in line.

Guy screams: “LOOK UP AND CHANT COLD MOSS!  YOU GOT THIS!”

I don’t know why we chant cold moss.  And we were told to look up because if you look down, you may realize that you’re walking on hot fucking coals.

You step up and you’re now second in line. You notice you just stepped into a puddle of water.  It’s dark and everyone seems to be wearing black, so you’re hoping someone didn’t piss and this is what you’re currently standing in so you’re hoping it’s water.  Before that pleasant thought sinks in, you see the person in front of you finish and at that moment a woman calls you up and you are now on grass.  She yells with a huge smile on her face,

“You got this, you ready? DO YOUR MOVE!”

You make this chest thump like “FUCK YES LET’S DO THIS!  ROAR!” (I didn’t say roar, nor did I roar, I’m just giving you internal dialogue)

Say yes she yells: “YES!” I instantly respond.

Say yes she yells again: “YES!” I let out in a primal scream!

She yells, “LOOK UP!” You do!

“GO” and you go and people are just yelling at you:

“KEEP GOING!”

“YOU GOT THIS!”

“COLD MOSS! COLD MOSS!”

I truthfully don’t even know if I said cold moss once. Because the next thing you know I’m on grass having my feet bathed in hose water and trying to remember what the fuck to do.  Oh yeah, my toes, wipe my feet.  Have I mentioned that this is now 25 hours since I woke up?  Oh and all that is in me are protein bars and salt and vinegar almonds. Yeah, I kinda had to take a shit. Which isn’t a big deal when you’re walking across hot fucking coals!

And the last thing you do? celebrate!

Holy shit! I did it, my God, I did it!  Not shit, the walking on coals part.

The whole experience of walking on coals was a complete metaphor.  If you can do this, you can do anything.  Which was glorious, because now I had to deal with Uber!

Day 2 was slated to begin at 9:30am and my head finally hit the pillow at about 2am.  I’m ahead of the game!  I just needed sleep.

For day two, we were going to be introduced to someone new and this is when I found out that this was nothing.

All we were doing was preparing for day 3!

 

For anyone looking for information about the event or anything to do with Tony Robbins, please call:  Angel McDonnell at 858-535-6287. Or email her at angel.mcdonnell@tonyrobbins.com

Please be sure to  tell her that I sent you.

Thank you and be sure to subscribe to find out when my next blog is posted.